While lying in bed this morning, shortly after my alarm had rung for the third time, I was watching TV in lieu of showering, shaving, eating breakfast, making my lunch, or doing anything productive and the friendly sort-of-local weatherman appearing on the screen told me that it was Skin Cancer Awareness Month. That is fine, it's no big deal, I am all for awareness of melanoma. It's all good. But the problem I am having is that there are so many dedicated month and days to so many different groups and causes, I can't keep up with it anymore.
I am serious. Months go by and I find out on like the 27th that May was Ground Squirrel Awareness Month. Well, guess what ground squirrel lovers? You don't deserve a month because if I didn't find out about your cause until there was less than a week left for me to get behind it, then you are really trying all that hard. It's like you went out and got permits for a new house and told everyone you have a new house and had some architect build up some plans for a new house and then you never actually went ahead and built the damn thing. It makes no sense. If you are going to be serious enough to have a month declared in your honor, or a day in your honor, you had damn well better go the ground work to make sure that everyone knows about. Let me give you two examples: one for a day and one for a month.
Take Black History Month. Everybody knows, or at least most people know, including me, and that's all that matters, that Black History Month is in February. You see stuff about it on the TV, read about it in the newspaper and Time magazine, and you probably saw something about it on a bus stop poster too. Also, as everyone knows, Spike Lee requires each American to watch at least one of his movies (sorry, joints) sometime during the month, and if you don't you are a racist. Now, I am all for Black History Month, I think that it is cool that we celebrate the unique history of that segment of the population. What I really like about Black History Month, however, is that it is promoted. The people who worked so hard to get the February designated as such actively attempt to inform people about it. That is how it is supposed to work.
Same thing with Arbor Day. Listen, normally no one would care that someone from the treeless plains of Nebraska thought that everyone should plant trees. Now, Arbor Day is celebrated at different times in different places because it involves planting trees, and the prime time for planting trees in Patagonia is going to be wildly different from the best time to plant a tree in China which is going to wildly different from the best time to plant a tree in Rhode Island. Fine, but I would suspect that most of you know when Arbor Day is coming up in your community, because it is everywhere, even in newsprint and on billboards which makes me giggle because those are made of paper which is made from cutting down trees and ripping them apart. Isn't that ironic? Or maybe not. I will have to ask Alanis Morissette. Anyway, we all know about Arbor Day because J. Sterling Morton didn't stop at getting Arbor Day just declared a day (the first one was observed on April 10, 1872 just in case you were wondering). No, he and his successors have gone the extra mile to make sure that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, even those little children that Madonna and the Brad and Angelina are adopting from Africa, about how planting trees is top notch. And that is how it is supposed to be.
So it's not that hard, Company. If you want to have an awareness month, or a commemerative day, go right ahead. But if I, a person who pays attention to the news and current events, doesn't know about, then you don't deserve it and I think you should have it yanked away from you and given to the opposite cause, to see if they are willing to put in the effort. Kind of like on Family Feud when you get three strikes and the other family gets a chance to steal even if you got all the hard ones. That's what it should be like. Or else I am just not going to participate.