Monday, May 10, 2010

Way Up High

     Girls, this one is for you.  I don't know how you do it, but you manage to on a regular basis, and you don't even let it really effect your everyday life.  I mean, I will admit, I have tried and it rarely, if ever works.  So here is the deal: I saw a picture of the most extreme high heels and I have to say that I have no idea how your girls wear those things.
     First of all, let me say that, at least from where I am standing, those things are great.  I LOVE everything about high heeled shoes, although I suspect that is because I don't have to wear them.  But you really do look great in them, whether chunky high heel sandals with a sun dress, strappy dealies with some dress clothes, or CFM's with some blue jeans, that look really does it.  And you know what else?  I love the way they sound.  Oh yeah.  When you put on some heels and the proceed to walk on any hard surface, I am there.  I love that sound.  That gets my attention in a heartbeat.  For me, that is like a tornado siren.  I hear you coming down the hall, my head perks up, I look around to see the funnel coming over the ridge.  I love it.
     But it's got to be painful.  I don't blame you when you come home at the end of your day and the first thing you do is slip on some flats, because that shit has got to hurt.  I mean, look at the picture to the left.  That is a pretty extreme - sorry, X-treme, that's how the kids spell it these days - high heel shoe.  I don't know a whole lot about the human body, but I can pretty much tell you that the human foot is not made to work at that angle.  Like, if God and Mother Nature wanted you to walk around like that, they would have given you a hoof instead of a heel.  I am pretty sure that is the least correct way that one can walk, maybe with the exception of someone walking on the side of their feet.
     That is why it is so hilarious when one of us guys puts on some pumps for whatever.  Usually it's for a play or something when you are in high school or college, and then everyone laughs because you look just like a person who can't ice skate trying to ice skate.  And it's hilarious.  Sometimes guys put on high heels because they are RuPaul, but in that case they do it enough that they just sort of learn how to do it, which it the trick with women.  Most of you do it enough that it's no big deal.  I would assume.  I wouldn't know.
     So mad props to you girls.  I know you do a lot of amazing stuff in the course of your lives, but I am especially impressed with the high heels that you wear in the name of beauty.  Or maybe you just all have stock in podiatry companies.  I suppose that is possible too, although I would feel safe to say that it is not probable.  But for whatever reason you are wearing those painful but so hot looking shoes, I give you credit, because I couldn't do it.  I don't look good in the things anyway.

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