Saturday, May 08, 2010

Nature on the Rampage

     Can somebody tell me what has been up with the animals lately?  There has been a lot of shit going down with out wild friends, I mean a lot more than normal.  Let's take a look, shall we?
      First of all, in northwest Wisconsin, two dear broke through the glass front door of a bar where, somewhat coincidentally, the patrons were watching a Milwaukee Bucks playoff game.  They broke through the window on the front door, and did a little bit of damage before a couple of the workers from the bar/restaurant were able to wrestle down the frightened animals and carry them outside, which I think is the most fantastic part of this story.  Usually deer who get into buildings will find their way out after causing much destruction, but in this case the Mighty Hunters apparently felt that it was in their best interests to wrestle with the things.  Good thing they didn't have antlers yet, although the guys are still nuts because deer have sharp hooves and they bite.  I assume.
     While we are in Wisconsin, let's head down to Milwaukee where there night workers at a Post Office Maintenance Facility returning from a lunch break at 5 am were confronted with a real live badger hiding under a locker.  That is a little bit strange seeing as the facility is in downtown Milwaukee, which is - last I checked - is a major American city.  They called the police.  The police don't deal with that.  They called the Humane Society.  They were closed at 5 am.  They called Milwaukee County Domestic Animal Control.  A badger is not a domestic animal.  So they called the Department of Natural Resources.  The DNR responded and proceeded to chase the badger out of the building with a broom.  How professional.  Now members of academia who study badgers are trying to find the thing and its burrow.
     A little farther to the south, police in the Cincinnati area are warning residents of their jurisdiction about a pair of peacocks that are causing quite a stir.  As peacocks are not native to southern Ohio, motorists have developed a nasty tendency to get gapers block when the pair appear and authorities are worried that they are going to cause accidents.  While a local family owns some of the animals, they claim the rogue pair are not theirs.  All attempts to catch the birds have been unsuccessful, and police are reminding people that it is better to hit one of the birds than to swerve into oncoming traffic or hit a pedestrian.  Well no shit.  There is that common sense thing again.
      Meanwhile, in South Carolina, police are having problems with a different bird.  In this case, with an emu, who led them on a chase of ten blocks before it was caught.  Actually, it led about fifty people on the chase, and in the end it was caught by a 70-year-old man who used a fishing net and was able to tie the birds dangerous claws together.  The police aren't sure from where the animals came, but the man who caught the emu owns some, as well as some other semi-exotic animals, and he is keeping it while the authorities try to sort the whole thing out.  Police in Rock Hill, where the chase took place, aren't sure how to go about handling this, noting the the bird didn't really break any laws except for maybe running from police.  They failed to note that it was a bird anyway, and what are they going to do, arrest the thing?  They should send it off to Australia like the English used to do with their criminals, it would probably be happier there anyway.
     Meanwhile, police had no trouble keeping up with a troublesome baby sea lion in San Diego.  While it took 4 hours to wrangle the little guy, he sat growling under a police car in the middle of the road recently.  Officers responded to reports of a sea lion pup in the middle of the road around 4 am on Wednesday, and when the officer parked his car in the middle road to investigate, the pup scurried out from under another car and took up residence under his.  In the end some people from Sea World were able to take care of the dehydrated but otherwise uninjured pup, who was about 25 pounds, or at least half of what he should have weighed.  Sea World authorities estimate that the pup was less than a year old.  Glad to see that he is already on his way to a life of crime at a young age.
     Anyway, as you can see, Company, wildlife is on the rampage across the country.  So watch out while you are out in nature, you might be its next target.  Either by deer or badger or baby seal, the animals are taking the fights to us in our homes and streets.  Be careful.

No comments: