I don't know if you know this, Company, but I applied to work for the Census. The 2010 Census. All I wanted was to help count the 300 million or so people who live in the United States...and $12.50/hr and $.50/mile for travel. Pretty sweet I thought. But it was not to be.
I was accosted by a guy at the friendly local grocery store, who was handing out flyers. I had seen the ads and whatnot asking for people to come and work for the census, for months and months and months. So I was already thinking about it. The grocery store guy, however, was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. So I went down and took the test. I don't want to disparage anyone who took the Census test and didn't do so great, but that was the easiest test that I have ever taken. I believe it was 28 questions, and one was given 30 minutes to complete it. The hardest part for me was not driving everyone crazy with the 13 minutes I had to sit around and wait until the time was up. "Put your head down on the desk, put your big head down on the desk." That's what Lewis Black said once, and it's what I should have done with myself instead of doing whatever I did.
So I think that I did alright on the test. Sister got a 27, so I am assuming that I did somewhere in the vicinity. I should have gone and put through the extra effort and taken the supervisor's test, but I didn't because it didn't really jive with my schedule. So I waited and I waited. Then, I got a letter asking for more information, which I provided, and then I waited and waited. Then, it happened. A census enumerator came to my door. It was not me, because that would have been strange.
I can hear the wheels turning for a few of you, but for those of you who haven't got it figured out yet, that means I didn't get hired for the Census. Yeah, that's right, and I am a little miffed at it. See, not that I wanted it so badly but I thought it would have been neat. I mean, the money would have been nice, don't get me wrong, but that wasn't my main focus in applying. I just sort of thought it was neat.
I couldn't get hired by an organization that was desperate for workers. That's pretty bad, man. I was a little bit despondent, but then I talked to A-Town. He works, in his job, with the up and ups in the Census brueaucracy, and he doesn't necessarily have the highest opinion of their aptatude. So he but it best when, in response to my complaining on getting hired he said "That's like not getting invited to a nut-punching party, so don't worry about it." That was the funniest thing I have heard since the start of 2010. So congratulations A-Town, not only do you have the best one-liner of the decade, I wrote a whole post dedicated to just using that quote, AND it was part of our April special promotion. So feel good. And Census? Feel bad. Shame on you, you could have used me.