Tuesday, March 09, 2010

You Look Delicious

     "Cannibalism is bad.  I'm not going to argue with you."  Daniel Tosh said that, and I have to say that I agree.  I am going to place myself firmly in the Cannibalism is bad and I am not going to argue with camp.  There, I said it.
     I can't seem to think of a single situation in which cannibalism is okay, at least not in my mind.  I understand that there are some cultures out there that practice cannibalism, and that's fine if that's what they want to do.  But I am certainly not going to condone it.  I am not going to encourage it.  And I am definitely not going to engage in it.
     There are no situations in my mind, none, in which cannibalism is okay.  I don't even care if I am a member of a South American soccer team and I crash in the Andes.  I will be the frozen skinny guy then, because I am not going to eat the goalkeeper, even if he did die of natiral causes.  Sorry.  That's just the way it is.  But no, it's not okay to do it then; it's not okay to do it in any situation.  End of story.
     I know that there are a few of you out there going on and on, harping about cannibalism being a natural thing, how animals in nature do it all the time and whatnot.  Fine.  I am going to assume that you are playing devil's advocate and I am going to assume that you are a retarded asshole as well.  Here is the thing: we aren't like normal animals, okay?  That's the neat thing about humans, we have evolved in a way that at times our social customs and norms override our most basic instincts, the ones that are included within our DNA.  And that is what is happening here.  That is what should be happening here.  That is what HAS to happen here.  Even those soccer players had a hard time coming to terms with what they did to survive, and if they talked about it, which the obviously did, I can assure you that their friends and families and spouses never looked at them the same way.
     So cannibalism is bad.  Don't do it.  That's all there is to it.  Unless you want to end up in some Time Life series about America's Sickest Serial Killers.  Because that is where you will end up, with Jeffrey Dahmer and Ed Gein and the guy from Silence of the Lambs.  So settle down and do what I tell you.

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