Jealous. It's an ugly word. And an even uglier emotion. But I suppose it is helpful in some ways. What I am about to discuss is not one of them, however. I am currently experiencing a very deep and intense feeling of jealousy over something. It actually feels more like a mixture of anger, longing, and shame to be honest. But more on that in a little bit. In any event, I have felt this feeling many times before, and while it is uncomfortable when it arrives it does go away after a time and no one is worse for the wear. At least I am not, but I am usually the only one affected because I try really hard to bottle it up. Not today, however, today I am going to pop the top and let it spew like a warm Throwback Pepsi that has just been dropped on the asphalt but has miaculously not broken open. So here goes, and remember that there is no offense meant in any of what is to follow, okay? If imitation is the highest form of flattery then I would suspect that jealousy is a close second.
I am jealous of "This Day in SPAM Fail" over at Enter the Man Cave. There, I said it, and I feel much better for having done so. I follow this blog and am always interested in what Geof has to say, but this is one of my favorite features. In it, he takes a SPAM e-mail that he has received, prints it, then responds to it. It is usually not a polite response. The responses are usually laced with hilarity, sarcasm, and witty responses, sort of like when I sprout off about something but WAY more creative and without all the curse words. And they always end with "GFY with a chainsaw" which I am sure you can figure out the meaning of. So it's good, really good, and I enjoy it. I just wish that I had thought of it first.
That's where the jealousy comes in here. I want "This Day in SPAM Fail" so badly. I want it splattered across my blog with my thoughs and my ideas and my words. I want it and I want no one else to have it. But that can't be so, because I didn't think of it first. I am not saying that Geof doesn't do a great job - I think he is fantastic at it, I really do - I just wish that I could be creating something that hilarious and original.
But I can't. I just can't. I can't plagerize his idea, I can't even come up with something similar but a little different that I can call my own. That's just not how I roll when it comes right down to it. I can't bring myself to do that kind of thing. So the only way I could have it is if I thought of it myself. That's just how it goes. But I didn't think of it myself. See, long, long ago I got sick of the bullshit and put up SPAM filter after SPAM filter, like most e-mail users. And the SPAM filters on the e-mail services that I use are pretty good, so I rarely get stuff like that which is features on Enter the Man Cave. I check my SPAM folders from time to time just to make sure there isn't important stuff getting in there that I might need or want, but the thought never crossed my mind to take the annoying e-mail and just tear it to shreds.
So there it is. Laid open bare for everyone to see. Let's look back at the list from the first paragraph. Anger? Check. I am angry that it is not mine. Because I want it that badly. Longing? Check. I pine for "This Day in SPAM Fail." Is that weird. Should I seek professional help? Shame? Oh yeah. Check, check, check, check, check. I have always prided myself on being a relatively creative guy, so I am a little ashamed that I couldn't come up with something like that. All I have are the "Open Letters" and those just don't cut it. Not at all.
Yeah. That's the long and short of it. I am jealous of Enter the Man Cave and it's "This Day in SPAM Fail." I wish it were mine, but it is not and never will be. So that's that. I will, however, give massive props to Geof over that the Man Cave because he does a great job with it, and you should go check it out. Hell, go check out his entire operation over there, even if he is not sticking it to some spammer, because he does a great job in all the stuff he does every day. All that being said, I would still swipe "This Day in SPAM Fail" if I had the chance, and a little less of a conscience.