Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Wrong and a Half

Somewhere out there in the world, there are people writing Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction. And not just one or two guys who are putting it in little notebooks hidden beneath the mattress of their twin bed in their parents' spare bedroom. Oh no. The only thing more astonishing than the fact that there are people out there writing Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction are that there are enough of them doing it to form an association.

Have you ever heard of the I.J.P.E.F.F.W.A.? Me neither, until Jimmy James (who just had a daughter recently: Congratulations Jimmy James) alerted me to its existence and a Geekologie article about it. The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writers Association is the leading advocacy group for those who get sexually aroused by reading and writing about dinosaur, and assumedly dinosaur-themed parks. Let's take a look, shall we?

I clicked on a story called Trannysaurus Rex. And it's pretty much about what you'd think about, except it starts with a raptor threesome, which has nothing to do with a Tyrannosaurus Rex that has changed from male to female. Like a dinosaur RuPaul.

I clicked on another called "Unrequited Promise" which means nothing really and which contained the phrase "its slow, sexy, jurassic munch." That is a sentence which has never been spoken or written before, and there is a reason for that. It might be the dumbest thing that I have ever heard. Or read. I sort of thought this was supposed to be a love story, and it was, but it was a love story in which a guy was in love with a brontosaurus and in which he touched the dinosaur's leg, jizzed himself, and then was crushed when the damn thing picked up his leg an unceremoniously crushed him into future oil. Yikes.

So that's just a taste of what's available at the official site of the International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writers Association. And on the surface everything about what the 225-member association stands for seems to be hilarious. It all quickly conjures up the classic stereotypical nerds doing classic stereotypical nerdy things. And Geekologie sort of celebrates that feeling in the way that a bully would celebrate those who he torments daily on the playground.

I, however, subscribe to a completely different idea when it comes to what for the sake of convenience I will call "the Association." Everything about this site, from the way the updates are written, from the way the stories are written, to the completely absurd and over-the-top page design the no one would think was good - literally everything about this site - is deeply sarcastic. The Association, those who make it up, and the product they put out to me are so tongue-in-cheek that the damn thing is sticking out the other side. I am not sure if that was the intent, perhaps someone somewhere wanted to think of the most ridiculous thing they could and make a go of it, or if maybe this was started legitimately my someone who was truly into Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction and then ruthlessly hijacked by others who stumbled upon it, but that is the way it comes off when you read it today. Hilarious.

And slightly creepy. And by slightly creepy I mean totally creepy, especially once you start to think about people getting off to this kind of stuff. It's just not right, but I suppose it's to each their own, right? They would probably think that boys looking at stories about girls was all messed up. I suppose I don't have to worry until the first Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction book comes out. Won't that be the day? Although I don't think the stories on this site - masterpieces like "What's 25 Feet Tall and Comes in Pints - are really the right basis for a romantic dinosaur novel. Although the folks at the I.J.P.E.F.F.W.A would probably know better than I do.

No comments: