Well, it's April Fool's Day. And quite frankly, I think that this is an absolutely retarded holiday. I don't know who decided that we need a holiday in every month, but we don't. "Oh, but they help us mark the passing of time and season." Fine, but that's what we have the calendar for. And there are calendars based on 1.) the sun 2.) the moon 3.) the rising floods of the Nile. Pick any of them, because they are all equally effective at helping you mark the days. (Okay, maybe don't pick the Nile one, because since they built the Aswan High Dam over there the floods aren't quite as regular as they were back in the day, but you get the hint.) The bottom line is that we don't need a lame holiday every month to help us realize what month it is.
And April Fool's Day is one of the worst of them all. We do not need a holiday to pull pranks on other people. If you can't figure out how to pull a socially acceptable prank on someone any day of the year, you really shouldn't be pulling pranks. Because you have a crippling lack of sense of humor. Because you've lost your innocence. Because you are Ashton Kutcher.
So refuse to participate in any April Fool's Day pranks. Yes, you read that correctly. I am calling for a boycott of April Fool's Day. Unless you happen to have a sweet opportunity. But don't set up anything special because of the day. Postpone it until April 4. Or June 22. Or September 16. Whenever. Plus, postponing your sweet (or probably lame) prank will actually help it be successful. Because no one trusts anyone on April 1. As well they shouldn't. But by July 9, everyone will be trusting again. So you are good to go. Plus, your prank will stand alone. Everyone is pranking on April Fool's Day, nobody is pranking on August 17. It's like playing in a football game on a Tuesday or getting all wasted on Sunday night. Most people don't do it, so it will be that much more memorable AND everyone will be watching. Plus, you are boycotting April Fool's Day, so you can't pull your prank on April 1 anyway, remember?