Monday, January 18, 2010

Reflections on the Swine Flu

Well Company, we are back from our extended time away due to illness, and we couldn't be happier. I can't speak for the Unpaid Interns or the rest of the yahoos here at the Worldwide Headquarters, but I personally haven't had the sickness wipe me out that badly in a long time. For like two weeks I have had no ambition to write anything for your guys to consume; I haven't even really cared to even open my computer. So I apologize sincerely for that and I hope to get back on track now that I am feeling better.
Oh, so you want to know what I had? Well, so would I. I consulted with a highly trained medical professional over the phone, and then with one in person, and they both concur that I probably fell victim to the swine flu, which means that now I am a statistic, even though they didn't actually test me for it. Apparently they don't really care as much anymore, because there was a time a few months ago where they would have sent a sample of me to the lab to get tested and then I would have made the news, in that general "There has been a confirmed case of the H1N1 flu in the local area..." sort of way. But not anymore. I just got a "Well, you probably had it but you are over that now. Here is some medicine for the bronchitis that might be beginning to form in your lungs." That was good enough for me.
Did you know that if you have a fever it can actually cook your insides? Well, I had a fever, although I don't believe that it was that high of a fever, and I suspect that it may have simmered my brain, because I had some messed up nightmares during the time when I was the most ill. The worst of them was the night that I took NyQuil in an attempt to finally get some sleep. It was the night of the NCAA Bowl Championship Series (known here as Division 1-A) Championship Game between the Alabama Crimson Tide and the Texas Longhorns. The game was held at the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, CA. That's important. I watched the first part of the game and then proceeded to down some NyQuil in order to actually get some rest. Soon thereafter I turned off my TV and drifted blissfully off to sleep. For a little while. A couple of hours later I woke up in a panic. I was having a nightmare that I was at the game in the Rose Bowl, and my section of the stands had collapsed. My brain was telling my body that I was trapped under a crushing pile of bleachers and spectators and Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy. Seriously, I remember seeing his number and the name on his jersey lying on top of me.
Needless to say I wasn't at the Rose Bowl, and the stands were not collapsing. I was home safe in my bed. But that did not prevent me from flailing wildly as I woke up, flinging my pillows and covers across the room as if I were throwing off people and wreckage. Strange. I have never had that happen with NyQuil before, which is why I assume that my brains were a little cooked by my fever. Oh well, no worse for the wear I suppose. It's just another incident to chalk up to the annals of illness. Maybe they should add that to the symptoms of the swine flu: crazy nightmares about the Rose Bowl. I could be a medical pioneer; a pillar of the scientific community. All because I got the swine flu. Wouldn't that be wild?

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