Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Mystery of the Arby's

So company, let's talk about Arby's, shall we? And yes, I am talking about the fast food chain. I have spent roughly equal parts of my life living in a place WITH an Arby's, and WITHOUT an Arbys. The reason that I note this is because I have been able to be on both sides of the proverbial coin when it comes to this enigmatic and mysterious franchise. I say it's enigmatic and mysterious because Arby's seems to have this strange effect on people.
First of all, let me explain the sort of magic of Arby's for those of you who are not familiar. Arby's doesn't do burgers, they do roast beef sandwiches and chicken. A lot of people get caught up in the roast beef business and forget about their awesome chicken sandwiches. Also, they have awesome curly fries that come with your stuff. Delicious. I like the chicken salad sandwich on soft wheat bread, beef and cheddars of course, and their chicken, bacon, and swiss sandwich on which they put some sort of good honey mustard sauce. They are also known for their choices in condiment: Arby's sauce (a sort of BBQ sauce) or Horsey Sauce (horseradish sauce). All in all it is just a neat and unique change from the usual fast food business.
But there is something about the Arby's, and I never really noticed it until I moved to a place where there isn't an Arby's available. See, when it was readily available I never gave it a second thought. Even though it was right across town, we never said "Hey! Let's go to Arby's for lunch" and then hopped in the car and went. I never even went there when I was already on that side of town. Never. But then, almost as if there was a GPS tracking device implanted within my brain, when I moved away from Arby's, to a town that was hundreds of miles away from the nearest one, it's like I suddenly longed for a beef and cheddar. What's with that?
The trend continues now that I live in a town that is 25 miles away from the nearest one. In fact, there is one 25 minutes one way, 25 minutes another direction, and another one about an hour in a third direction. But still the results are the same: I want it bad. This, at first does not seem all that strange, right? We always want what we can't have or so it seems. But it gets a little stranger.
On the occasions when I am in a town with an Arby's and it is time for lunch, or it is time for dinner, or maybe when I am traveling and looking for a bite to eat right quick, I very rarely choose Arby's. I might be going right past it on my way to and fro, or it might be right at my exit from the freeway, but no. I just don't understand it.
Arby's is sort of like that one particular girl that you always sort of want around, that you miss when she is not around, that you are a little bit infatuated with, but then when it comes right down to it you don't really want to date her. Like, you make sure you situate yourself at the party so you can see what she's doing, but then when she comes over and asks you out you are like "Well...I don't know. I am just not so sure." That's Arby's, and it's not just for me. I have seen it in all my friends. We pine for it, we talk about it, we drool over the thought of beef and horsey sauce on our tongues, but then none of us are willing to do anything to obtain it. We could be at the doctor right next to the Arby's and we would just wander blindly past.
So I don't get it. I am confused, scared, and a little hungry. Mostly for Arby's since I have been talking about it at length here. But am I going to do anything to procure any? No, no I am not. You knew that. It's not my fault, it's just the mystery of the Arby's.

1 comment:

Geof said...

I f'n love Arbys! I especially like when they do the 5-for-$5 deal. The mixture of Arbys and Horsey sauces. MMMM! Now I think I'm going to Arby's now for lunch tomorrow.

Word Verification: motel

wtf?