Sunday, November 08, 2009

Someone Get These Guys A Calendar

Company, I want you to go ahead and take a good look at the date that this post was posted, okay? Look at it, register it, and keep it in mind as you go ahead and read this post, please. I can't emphasise that enough.
Okay, now that that is over I can tell you my story. Yesterday, as I went about my business on an absolutely gorgeous Saturday, fully immersed in Indian Summer, I was making my way back into town and I approached a local park. It is a nice park, situated on the river with a pavilion and band shell and tennis courts and the whole nine yards. Unfortunately it is also rarely used, except by a group of stupid local teenagers who think they are super cool when they park their cars at the park and sit around acting like morons. Anyway, it is rarely used, especially at this time of the year, so when I saw a couple of cars parked there with doors and trunks and hatches open it naturally drew my eye.
"I wonder what is going on at the park today?" I thought to myself. The Worldwide Headquarters is located in a town that makes its living from tourism dollars, so there are lots and lots of festivals that occur here, and it is pretty normal for them to sneak up on me because, quite frankly, I do not pay attention. So I sort of thought there was some sort of festival going on at the park. As I got a little closer though I saw that it was a group of people erecting the towns Christmas decorations.
I cannot begin to tell you all the things that are wrong with this. First of all, it was like 62 degrees outside at the time, and since this is not the South or Hawai'i putting up Christmas decorations while wearing a T-shirt and sandals is just flat wrong. I am sorry, but it feels like sacrilege. There should be at least a chill in the air and preferably some snow on the ground before any decorations go up ANYWHERE.
Secondly, I hate to say this about my adopted hometown, but the Christmas decorations are a little bit gaudy in my mind. I mean, they are the usual stuff, Santa's workshop and reindeer and some candy canes, which are all well and good, but there are too many decorations and they sort of make the park look like one of those suburban front lawns where the father gets just a little bit too into setting up for the holiday. Not quite like Chevy Chase in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation but sort of trending in that direction. I mean, it would be okay if there was some thought and organization to the whole thing, but I don't really see how there is. The scene lies right along a major highway through town and the snowmobile trail and while it is okay like for the couple of weeks leading up to Christmas, it is just too much the rest of the time.
That leads me into my last point, and that is where all that remembering the date comes in.'s fucking November 8, okay? And I saw them putting those decorations up YESTERDAY! That's just not right. A lot of towns do this and a lot of people do and every store does, but Christmas should not start on November 7. That's all there is to it. There is still a major American holiday coming up between now and Christmas that we should be focusing on. I know I have said this before here, in fact I am sure I have but I am just too lazy to go searching for it, but Christmas should not start until December 1. I can tolerate the day after Thanksgiving, that is fine. But on November 7 you can take your Christmas decorations and shove them up your ass. And the other thing, is that my town is really bad about taking them down. I mean, they shut the lights off in January, but the decorations stay up in the park until the snow starts to melt, which is ridiculous. That means that this year the Christmas decorations in town will be up for roughly five months. Now you can see how utterly stupid this really is. I will be the first one to wish you a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, but not until December 1.

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