Let's take a minute to talk about Ford, shall we Company? I have to give a some props to the good old Ford Motor Company, as they are the only American auto maker who actually went ahead and cleaned up their own act and got their own house in order without having to be bailed out by the federal government like the gang was bailed out by Linus' mom in Ocean's Twelve. So they've been doing well, they are making a profit again mostly because they made a killing with the Cash for Clunkers deal, and all is happy in Dearborn. Great. Despite all of this rosy news at Ford however, there is a major problem still lingering with the company. And that problem is with their current commercials.
In the rare event that someone far out into the future is reading this, or maybe someone is reading this who does not watch TV, let me explain what these commercials are all about. They feature inevitably young and attractive people talking about their favorite features of their Ford vehicles. Pretty good in concept I would say. The problem, however, is that they have chosen the stupidest people that they could find I think, and quite frankly it just makes me half laugh and half want to stab the people in the spots.
First there is the girl, pitching her Ford Escape. She is wearing pink, and she appears to be about, oh...say 22 or so. Now, admittedly I may be biased, and I may be operating with some pre-existing prejudices and stereotypes, but I had this chick pegged the minute I saw this commercial. I am thinking "mommy and daddy bought their little Princess a new SUV before she went off to college." The reason I say this is because her first favorite thing out of her mouth is "I don't know when my oil needs to be changed." Hmmm...yeah, that's not good sweetheart. First of all, it has pretty much been beat into all of us that you should get your oil changed every 3000 miles. I mean, it's all over you really have to just sort of not paying attention in order to miss that one. Second, if you took the time to read your owners manual, which I am about 99.968% sure the girl in question did not do, it usually gives you a service schedule, including oil changes. I mean, I own a Ford and my owners manual tells me when to service and what to do. You know what else tells me when to change my oil? The little sticker up in the corner of my window that the oil change place puts up there, which I am sure your oil change place does as well because I know that you aren't changing your oil on your own. Yeah, you don't really deserve to drive a car that new, especially not one that will run a vehicle diagnostic on itself and send it to your e-mail or your phone. It's sad that is how you know when to change your oil. If it's that hard to figure out you should probably be riding the bus.
Oh, it gets better though. The girl, in her second commercial, talks about how her friends, who I would guess are equally stupid and annoying, love that she can change the color of her interior lighting, which she usually leaves as pink. Of course. I am not even going to touch that one because we all know how retarded that it. Especially since she wouldn't be able to tell you how many cylinders her little car has if you held a gun to her head and threatened to take away her phone.
Fast forward to the next commercial where a guy who spends way too much effort on his lame hair is going on about his Ford Flex crossover vehicle, which we all know is just a tarted up station wagon. Now, if you want to purchase a dumb car like that that is fine. But this commercial, like the ill-fated last one we just looked at, starts with the person in question saying something mind-numbingly stupid. "When I first bought this car, I didn't realize it had this keyless entry." Really? Honestly? I find that hard to believe, and sad once I start to believe it. Okay, how could one not know that? Maybe I am naive, maybe I am unusual, but I generally make sure that I know about the features of a car I am buying. In fact, when I recently purchased a new automobile I spent quite a lot of time comparing the options of the vehicles I was considering, and I knew exactly what options my car had when I first sat down to test drive it, so it is inconceivable to me that one could not know about the keyless entry feature. I mean, come on, on the Ford Flex it is a set of numbered keys right on the driver's door, right in front of your face EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU GET INTO THE CAR!
I would guess, however, that he did not notice the little buttons on the outside of his car door because he was too busy worrying about what he could wear. He notes that the keyless entry in neat because if you were wearing skinny jeans and you didn't have space in your pocket for your keys that was okay. Wow. Never mind about not losing your keys because you could leave them in your car, never mind about having your hands full or one of a million other reasons, you went with skinny jeans. I briefly considered that maybe you were talking about your girlfriend, or maybe trying to market your car to chicks, but then I came to the conclusion that no, no, you are just the type of guy who wears skinny jeans out and about. And that's okay if that is what you are into. But I wouldn't go on national worldwide television and talk about that. And I certainly wouldn't give that as my number one reason for liking my keyless entry that I didn't even really know I had.
So yeah, Ford, you've got problems with your commercials. Couple those two gems above with the one where the guy is all gushing over his lack of a gas cap (which, by the way, I don't know if you know this Ford, but as I recall, some places have emissions testing, and from what I recall of it the first thing they do at your emissions test is take your gas cap off, plug it into the bottom of a big hose, and test to make sure it seals. So how do you plan to get around that one? "Oh, we only sell that kind of car in places without emissions testing." Bold strategy, Ford, how's that one working out for you?) because that means he doesn't have to touch anything and his hands don't smell like gasoline. I was not aware that this was a big problem facing drivers today. Seems to me that gasoline evaporates pretty quickly and that one doesn't generally smell it on one's hands after filling up unless you like pour it straight out of the pump onto your hands for an extended period of time. But that's just me. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, between Oil Change, Skinny Jeans, and Gas Cap you have got some truly maddening and ridiculous commercials. I mean, you get an A for concept but not so much for the execution. I want to say F- but at least they make me giggle when I don't want to blow my face off. And at least I got a blog post out of them, right? Okay, D+ then for your commercials Ford.