Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Numb3rs. That's the name of a show. It's the name of a good show actually. A show that I like. A show with the former Dr. Joel Fleischman in it. And Judd Hirsch. The problem though, is not with the show itself. It's with the name. It's a stupid name because they've put a 3 where the letter "e" should be because it sort of looks like a backward "E" and the retards at CBS thought they were being creative and cool. Well, they were not. They were just being fucking stupid.
Company, I cannot even begin to describe to you how much I hate it when people use numbers to replace letters or word, either because they sound like the word or they look vaguely like the letter. It is so unbelievably lame. There is no reason to ever do it, ever. None. It does not make you seem cool. It does not make you seem creative. It makes you seem a little bit lazy. It makes you seem like you should be wearing a helmet out in public. Or it makes you seem like a mega, raging-hard douchebag. Unless, of course you are one of those incompetent helmet people.
Like the movie Se7en? What the fuck does it have to do anything? I understand that is the word seven, I don't need the number dropped in there because it sort of looks like a "v" that was blown over and wrenched open by an Oklahoma tornado, okay? I would venture to guess that if I have mastered the complicated series of letters that makes up the word "seven" I would be at least casually familiar with the numeral.
2 Fast 2 Furious? Blow me. First of all, all the movies in that trilogy were terrible. I mean that. Truly awful in every way except that there were cars driving fast and a bunch of hot girls. Fine. But to name it that too seem cool? No, you seem lazy an illiterate. First you seem lazy because you have replaced two three-letter, one syllable words with numerals, which, by the way, aren't letters and don't count as words. There is a reason that every numeral has a spelled word to go with it. That's because numbers don't really belong in things like movie titles. Or words. The reason that it makes you seem like you are illiterate is because One.) You obviously have chosen numbers over simple words and Two.) I suspect you have done it because you were too stupid to choose between to, two, and too. Even now I bet you can't figure it out even though I have used all three CORRECTLY in the last sentence before listing them. We call those contextual clues.
Now, I am not talking about the many titles in which they use numerals to take the place of actual numbers. Gone in 60 Seconds? That's fine. 9 to 5? That's fine. 50 First Dates? Cool. Those are numbers actually replacing numbers. That is what they were designed to do, so that's okay. I wanted to do the numbers trick so you could see just how abhorrent it really is, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. How do you feel about that? 1t'5 n1c3 2 s33 13tt3r5 wh3r3 13tt3r5 6310ng.

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