Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Profanity-Laced Tirade About Stupid People

So, I don't know if you realize this or not, Company, but I have to work a day job. Yeah, that's right, for as much wealth and fame as I assume that you assume I have assumed, I still have to work outside of the Worldwide Headquarters in order to do things like have health insurance, make money to pay bills, and expose myself to sunlight and social interaction.
Anyway, I moonlight as a mild-mannered government worker, a bureaucrat whose main job is to interact with the general public by phone and face. And that is fine. Contrary to popular belief, I have worked with the general public closely with every job that I have had. So I am used to them, and honestly I don't have a problem with them. I do not have a problem with John Q. Public walking into my office and not having a clue about complicated government regulations. Hey, at least they made the effort to come in an be in compliance with the rules enacted by their elected officials. That's the mark of a good citizen. The problem I have is with the so-called "professionals" that I have to deal with on a daily basis. With every phone call, with every face that walks through the door, I am simply fucking amazed at how utterly stupid and ignorant you can be and still be considered a competent business person.
Seriously, the "professional" people that I have to deal with every day, and not the people in my office, they are all super awesome people who know what they are talking about so I have no qualms with them, the "professional" people from outside of my office that I have to deal with on the whole have no fucking clue about anything, including what they are doing or what they are dealing with. It's out of fucking control, and they definitely need to be stopped. I am sorry, but if you are collecting money from a good member of the public in order to navigate the slippery slopes and winding roads of the government bureaucracy, you had better know every fucking minute detail, down to the number of hairs on your customers' back in before you even try to walk into an office and get some sort of permit or inspection or government anything. Like, for instance, if you are a real estate agent, and you are listing a property, and you don't know the name of the current owner, or the address, or even the town it is you are the number one shittiest fucking realtor in the world. You should have your real estate license revoked faster than if you were an airline pilot who flew 150 miles past where you were supposed to be landing. And then, once your license was revoked, you should be put in a God-damn fucking state run institution where they wrap you in all white clothing, and every couple of hours a burly man with tattoos comes by and either a.) hits you with a cattle prod in your taint or b.) shives you with a whittled down plastic spoon just for the fact that you have made the world a dumber place for having had you interacting with it for all these years. And then, somewhere while you are in there, they should perform a mandatory vasectomy on you because there is no way that you should ever be allowed to have children and spread your lazy fucking ignorant retard seed into the population. I am sorry, but if I am going to have to give you 10% of whatever I earn for selling my house when you didn't even have the wherewithal to figure out where the fuck it is located, I might as well sell it myself. Is any of this getting through? Huh, fuckbag?
Or maybe you are a builder who builds houses for a living. You think, that maybe, just maybe, after you built a house or two you would know the process that you have to go through to get one built. Seems pretty logical to me. That is called learning, and if you are incapable of it I am not sure I am comfortable with you being allowed to use a nail gun near me or my loved ones. In fact, I am not comfortable with you being allowed to use a regular hammer and nail anywhere within my community because you are incapable of learning. If you are builder, you should be so familiar with the building codes that it makes me sick.
Unfortunately, many people in the "professional" sphere that I have to deal with have their fucking heads impaled so far up their fucking asses that they actually come back out their own mouths and back into their ass in a vicious sort of spiral that just twists their body into the shape of like a conch shell. And they get away with it. Well fuck that. Those people can go sit on a spike. If I ever, EVER, have to utilize on of the people in the professions that I have to deal with, I am going to give them a test. Either a written test before I sign a single check or give them a single plan, or maybe like spot checks during the process when I just call and ask them basic details about what is going on. And if they can't answer they are done. Well, let's be honest, they were done a long time ago. Fucking retards.

1 comment:

KingBobb said...

"hits you with a cattle prod in your taint"........BWAH HA HA HA HA.....

I do feel your pain though. We've dealt with flooring companies that don't know how to spread finish. That used an entire gallon of finish on a 4x8 piece. A gallon of finish is supposed to cover 400 sq ft. Wow. Tip of the hat to you buddy, I don't know if I could deal with them on a constant basis anymore.