Thursday, October 08, 2009

News Yak

News Yak. What the hell am I talking about? I can hear you asking all about it out there, Company. And it's okay. I am not sure that term has ever been thrown about before; what could it mean? Is it a Himalayan animal that wanders around Tibet carrying newspapers? Is it the Nepalese version of those terrible news vans you see all over the place in the West with the little satellite dish antennas on top of them? I mean, what is the deal with News Yak?
Well, Company, this is what I mean by news yak. It is not an animal. I have been accused, well, no. I shouldn't say that, it was not an accusation. It was an observation, because it is completely and totally true and I will not deny it. It was observed to me recently that what I do here at Big Dave and Company like 87%+ of the time is simple regurgitate the news. And you know what? That is absolutely correct. I do. And I have no problem with that.
First of all, let me tell you why I regurgitate the news, and then I will tell you why it is okay. First off, I do it for two major reasons. Reason number one, and the reason that I do most of the news yak (get it? yak? regurgitate? vomit? all synonyms.) is because, not to complain, but it's not always easy to come up with topics to post about every day. So sometimes, and by sometimes I mean quite often, I am long on need and short on inspiration, so usually what I do is turn to the many varied Internet news sources to find interesting and pertinent articles. And I won't lie, I find a lot of them being reported on by the British Broadcasting Corporation, or BBC. They are like a wealth of ridiculousness and they cover all the globe.
The second reason that I yak up the news for you kids to read on a regular basis is because there is nothing that can come up with a story as strange or ridiculous as real life. It's true, think about Law and Order or any of its little offspring. On that show just about every case is based on something that really happened, because there is no way the writers could ever some up with something so sick or twisted as those things that they read in the daily newspaper. Real life always has intrigue. Real life always has twists and turns. Real life always has people who strap their beer into the back seat of the car while their kids roam free around the back. Nobody in their right mind would ever, EVER write that into any sort of fiction because it is too ridiculous for anyone to believe that someone would do. But it really happened.
The reason that I feel absolutely no remorse, no sort of bad feelings regarding how I seeming cop out day after day, week after week is that I would be willing to wager most if not all of Little Jeffy's next paycheck that you wouldn't know about those things if I didn't write about them. Right? Yeah, you have to admit that, Company. I am sure there are some things that you would know all about, but most of them I would guess are pretty obscure and you wouldn't have had the time, energy, or desire to root them out yourselves. Not that I am going to say that you couldn't, but let's be honest, WOULD you? Yeah, that's right. So I am not so much one who regurgitates the news as I am someone who disseminates it. So how do feel about that? I feel the best I've ever felt after yaking.

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