Friday, October 23, 2009

My Box of Peanuts

So I received a box on the front door of the Worldwide Headquarters the other day. As to which of the other days it was I wouldn't be able to tell you because I didn't see it get delivered, and I didn't even really know it was coming, and I very rarely use the front door of the Worldwide Headquarters because I get to use a special VIP entrance that shields me from the general public and The Unpaid Interns. So anyway, I saw this box and I did not freak out and call the friendly local bomb squad or anything, because that is not how I roll. I simply picked it up and looked at the label to see from whom it came, and once I saw that name and address on the tag I knew exactly what it was.
Recently, I ordered a new car stereo for my sweet car and among the things that it was supposed to come with was a Bluetooth microphone, which I didn't care about because, quite frankly, I don't have a Bluetooth phone. How do you feel about that? So I installed the stereo and threw in a CD and was happy as a clam and forgot all about my wayward Bluetooth microphone. Now, as you've figured out by now, unless you really struggle a lot, the package was my Bluetooth microphone. Fine. The point here is not what was in the box, it was the fact that it was the most ridiculous packing job I have ever seen.
It was ridiculous only in how far overboard it went for this little Bluetooth microphone. First of all, the box was WAY bigger than it needed to be. The Bluetooth microphone is small, and it is in a box itself. THAT box is about the size of two decks of cards, and you could fit like 30 of those little boxes in the box that they shipped. Hmmm...bold strategy shipping department, how's that working out for you? So we've got this tiny Bluetooth microphone in its own box, nicely padded by the instructions and a plastic bag, inside this entirely oversized Plain Jane cardboard box. And one cannot have the small box clattering around the larger box as the good people at about a dozen different FedEx facilities throw it around, toss it aside, and probably play field hockey with it back in the warehouse on their lunch break. No, no, no, no, no. We cannot have that, now can we? So the folks in the shipping department did what any red-blooded American would do: they filled the space with packing peanuts.
Oh yeah, packing peanuts. Those ubiquitous little, annoying, fluffy, and environmentally atrocious things that get EVERYWHERE once you spill them. The box is full of them. Honestly, when I opened the box that was all that I could see. It was just a perfect, flat field of packing peanuts in the box. I knew that there were two things in the box: the Bluetooth microphone and a pack of papers. Well, the pack of papers was easy enough to find: it was just at the bottom. But the Bluetooth microphone? Yeah, that was a different story. I stood there fishing my hand through the box of packing peanuts looking for the little Bluetooth microphone like I was doing the dishes, the sink was full of bubbles, and I was fishing around in the water for the last fork to wash. You know what I am talking about. That is exactly how I felt.
Needless to say I found the Bluetooth microphone, but now I am stuck with this box of packing peanuts, much like the box I am still sitting on from when my stereo itself arrived, that I don't know what to do with. They are not the biodegradable kind, and they are not the edible starch kind that are funny for like sixteen minutes once you find out they are edible. Some places take them for recycling or reuse, but I can assure you none of those places are anywhere near here. So into the trash they go I guess. Hey, I like to recycle and save when I can, but you just can't win them all. I am sad about the timing too. Last week was Homecoming here, I am sure we could have painted them and thrown them at high school kids. That would have been fun.

No comments: