Now I am not a sailor, and I have never been on a boat that was powered exclusively by the wind, so I can't tell you what kind of boat it was to save my life, but I can tell you it was one of those little boats that you see on small lakes and beaches, with just an open area to sit along the gunwales and a little rudder to sort of steer the thing. Like, the kind that young kids would learn the basics of sailing on. Usually, they would come with a sail with bright colors and like a number on them, that only the sailing people would know the meaning of and that would always make the rest of us wonder about what it is up there for. This one, however had one striking difference. In place of the mystery number was the logo for Kool brand cigarettes.
You know, Kool, the menthols in the iconic green box? Yeah. Well, they aren't in a green box but they were for years, including all the years that I was growing up, and that was the lurid green color of the sail. And with the Kool logo boldly placed on either side, in a way in which you could clearly see it from whichever way you were standing. I was, not to say the least, surprised to see the logo of a cigarette company there on the sail, but I didn't think a whole lot about it until after my stuff went in the dryer and I took another look at the picture. That's when it struck me: How many packs did someone have to smoke to get the points to get that thing?
I mean, all the cigarette companies had those give-aways, where you would smoke up from like the time you were fifteen and eventually you could get a mirror or a jacket or a truckers hat or apparently a boat. So if it took like 32,000 Kool points to get the jacket, I wonder how many hundreds of thousands you had to have to get a sailboat? Like a million billion? Like eleventy billion? And at like 50 points per pack, that's a lot of packs. That is like hot box chain smoking from dawn 'til dusk like whether you are on break or not, even at the dinner table, which is hard since every public place is smoke free all of the sudden.
I went and looked at the phone number, and it was from the suburbs of a nearby major city, like most people's phone numbers seem to be around here these days, which means someone has the cigarette boat that's not really a cigarette boat at their cabin. The writing on the photo had that characteristic old person writing, you know what I am talking about. That sort of got me thinking more about the photo. The boat had the sail all set up even though it was leaning on its keel on dry land, WAY up a hill from the water in the background. I hate to break it to you, seller, but that sail isn't going to move that boat very far when it's not on the water. Anyway, the boat was not on a trailer, and the ad said nothing about a trailer. The point here, Company, is that the boat is pretty useless because after smoking as many Kools as it would take for one to get the boat there is no way one would be able to haul it down to the water from wherever it was parked, or up on the shore when you were done sailing. Your lung capacity would be so diminished that you'd be huffing and puffing like as soon as you got out of the boat. Also, you wouldn't have the time to put the boat away because you'd be too busy smoking like 184 more packs in order to get enough points to get the matching life jackets.
So if you want the Kool sailboat, it's out there, and it's for sale for a reasonable price. I would advise that you go ahead and get it if you are into sailing or going on the water or maybe if you are into avant garde yard art. Even if you aren't into that stuff get it anyway, I guarantee you that you will be the Koolest kid on the block.