Thursday, July 09, 2009

Your Car Alarm

So recently, actually just for the last say week or so, I have been having real problems with your God-damned car alarm. Let me lay them out for you, in list, but not list of eight, form.

1.) Your car alarm barely works. Okay, that's true. I will give you that it works a little bit. But not like you want it to. The reason is that no one pays attention to your car alarm until it has been going off for like seventeen minutes. By the time anyone takes notice all the shit in your car is gone and being sold down in Chinatown. So yes, your car alarm did it's job of drawing attention but you are still without seats. I mean, maybe you've scared off the smash and grab teenager who just wanted your factory stereo but ran off when your horn started going off. Congratulations, you have made yourself the most hated man in your neighborhood in the process.

2.) You don't even pay attention to the damn thing. The totally defeats the purpose. The most important person that your car alarm is supposed to alert is you. But you are rarely, if ever, in earshot. And even when you are you are too busy hitting on that skanked-out barfly that you won't like so much once you get her out into the light. Or you are in the movies or something. That means that you have no intention of caring if your car alarm goes off or not. So why bother turning it on in the first place? Like I said before, the only people who are going to get scared off by your blaring horn and flashing turn signals are probably going to get deterred by the simple fact that your doors are locked in the first place. Either way they know you aren't coming out of Pier One regardless.

3.) You have it activated in inappropriate situations. Yeah, you heard me. There are situations in which you should not have your car alarm activated. Like when you are within eyeshot of your vehicle. Because you can see what is going on with it. If you are at certain events with loud percussive noises, such as fireworks or a building demolition you should have it turned off because the concussion can set it off. There was a car alarm that went off and ruined every fireworks display I tried to watch this year at Independence Day. And never was the owner anywhere nearby to attempt to turn the thing off. So think about the circumstances before you activate your stupid factory system or your useless aftermarket version, because I swear I will stab speed holes into your car if that thing goes off at the fireworks again.

So yeah, that was a list of three. Because those are mostly my main points of why I am pissed at your car alarm. So just think about it, okay? Just put a little bit of thought into what you are doing, okay? Then I won't have to be so pissed off. And then everyone will be happier.

No comments: