Friday, July 17, 2009

Crying in the Spotlight

So, in a rare moment, I was watching one of the major broadcast networks the other day. I rarely take the time to watch ABC, NBC, CBS or Fox other than when there are sports on so it should be noted that I was watching that business. Anyway, an advertisement came on for that Hell's Kitchen show where that stupid British chef yells at people because that gets ratings. I was sort of wondering what it is about British guys cutting down hardly innocent people that makes America want to watch when I saw a blonde lady in a chefs outfit start to weep because instead of just telling her that her chicken was underdone he felt fit to scream "Your chicken was as pink as your lipstick!" when I started to wonder what the hell was wrong with these people.
Not the yelling British guys. I know what is wrong with them: They are assholes. I am sort of wondering what is wrong with the people who are signing up for these shows. I suppose that my point here is that they shouldn't be crying. They shouldn't be surprised by the overly critical criticisms. They shouldn't be stunned that they are beat down week after week, episode after episode. They shouldn't be grossed out because they didn't know that they would have to eat bugs in whatever God-forsaken place Survivor has taken them to this year. They really shouldn't be surprised that someone sold them out for seven seconds of fame in front of a camera that is hidden inside a closet somewhere. No one on any of these "reality" shows should be surprised by any of this stuff, or anything at all because they all knew what they were getting in for.
Alright, we can give a free pass to the first people on the first seasons of all these terrible, truly terrible shows. I can't imagine that you can have any idea as to what you are walking into if you are on the first season of Survivor. You can't really quite know what to expect when going into a notoriously tough chef's kitchen (by the way, can you imagine having to work for him in the real world when there isn't a pile of money at stake? Like if it is just your shitty day job? I wonder how unbelievably high the turnover rate in his kitchen is) during season one. Fine. But from the second season on you are just asking for it and so I don't feel a single drop of remorse for you or what you are going through.
I mean, let's be honest, Survivor isn't going to book everyone into the Ritz-Carlton for season two. Simon Cowell isn't going to suddenly start offering words of encouragement to anyone who isn't in the final round of American Idol. It's not like everyone in season two of The Real World is going to suddenly band together and successfully operate a roller disco. Or build Habitat for Humanity houses. It doesn't work that way because nobody sitting behind a television remote control doesn't want to see peace and harmony. They want to see you cry. They want to see you fight. They want to see you throw up. That's the way it is and you know it. So don't expect any sympathy whatsoever. Everyone knows that you are just in it for the cash and the fifteen minutes of fame and they want to see you squirm. So squirm.

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