Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Sounds in the Night

     Well Company, I had a fantastic time camping over the Memorial Day weekend.  Seriously.  That was the most fun I have had camping in a long, long time.  I came back beat red (but with a wicked hat line on my forehead: Dr. J says I look like a bobber) with sunburn and stiff and sore in places that I didn't know I had, but I still had a great time.  There was, however, one major problem with camping that I had a problem with.
      See, since I was camping with other people, and the majority of tents including mine, are not soundproof in the least bit, I was afforded the rare but precious opportunity to get some feedback as to what I am like while I am sleeping.  Yeah.  Because I know what other people are like when they are sleeping: like I know my dad talks in his sleep, I know that The Pharaoh snores like it's going out of style, stuff like that.  But I never knew what I did.  I always assumed that I laid there peacefully all night long, even though in reality I knew that wasn't true.  Like you and your mom and your best friend Ron, I am sort of like an amateur archaeology student in the morning.  Since I was there but unaware as to what was going on all night long I am left to study clues that I find to figure out exactly what went on.  If I find that the pillow is wet that means that I was probably drooling.  Yeah, I do that sometimes, I will admit it.  Maybe I was dreaming about food or some girls at the beach or something, who knows?  Sometimes I wake up with my head where my feet started and vice versa.  Then I know it was a really wild night.  Apparently.  Stuff like that is about all I have ever had for clues as to my nighttime behavior, and I have always wanted to know.  I have even considered putting a video camera or audio recorder in there just to satisfy my own odd curiosity.  Now, however, there is no longer any need.
      That's right, the results are in.  And I don't like what I see.  Or am told in any event.  First of all, I snore.  Great, that's all I need.  I don't think it was terribly snoring and I sort of hope that it had to do with the dry air and the terrible position in which I was lying, but I still have to face the fact that I was snoring all up and down that campsite.  Sad.  I always sort of prided myself on that being one of those things that I didn't do, but no longer I guess. I knew that I was doing it anyway because my throat was so sore in the morning, so I wasn't terribly surprised when I was notified officially.  I can live with it in the end I guess.  I mean, it doesn't bother me.  And no one has ever noted it before.  I am hoping it is a sporadic incident but I am just not sure.  In any event it is nice to know.
      I also found out that I talk in my sleep, which is far more disturbing to me.  Far more disturbing.  Why, you ask?  Well that is fairly easy.  Talking in my sleep is far more disturbing to me than snoring because I have no control over what I am saying.  Well, scratch that, let's just say that I have no conscious control over what I am saying, how's that?  It's bad, that's how it is.  Because I could say anything.  Anything at all.  I could be talking shit about all the people who are sleeping in the same room as I.  I could be singing show tunes.  I could be saying horrible, horrible things.  Or I could just be saying my phone number.  You never know what will come out.   I always knew that my dad and my sister talked in their sleep on a regular basis, and I even witnessed them having a conversation with one another one time, that was kind of neat.  And now I am the same way.  I would love to know what I was saying; I am sure that it sounded like a very one sided telephone conversation.  But still, I worry.  I worry a lot.  I am a sleep talker, and I can't deny it.  Someday, someone is going to use that fact to get some juicy and embarassing information out of me and I am going to be royally pissed off.
     So that was the startling new personal information that I learned over this long holiday weekend.  Be careful what you wish for, I guess.  Now I know and I am not happy with the knowledge.  But it is what it is and I can't get too worked up about it I guess.  Besides, I can always plead forgiveness because I was asleep and really didn't know what I was saying.  And there are about a million cures for snoring out on the market.  So I will be fine.  I hope.  We will see the next time.  I guess I will talk to you later, maybe even after I go to bed!

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