Friday, May 01, 2009

May Day

     It's May Day today Company, a holiday which is not widely celebrated in the Western Hemisphere, which is the part of the world in which I live, but is celebrated greatly in other areas. There are parades and feasts and dancing around the maypole, which doesn't sound particularly fun to me but to each his own.
     Part of the reason that I personally choose not to celebrate May Day is because nobody has every really given me an inspiring reason to do so. I mean, I've heard of it and I know they seemed to love it in the Soviet Union (most likely because it's also International Workers Day) before that went away, but it's not like Christmas where they wake you up at 5 am and scream "There's free stuff for you downstairs! All you have to do is fetch it out from under this bigass pine tree!" or Easter where they hinge your jaw open and literally pour the insides from a million Cadbury Creme Eggs and pour it down your throat hole until your are giddy enough with sugar coma to believe that rabbits really do lay eggs. And once you succumb to that you are committed to the lie until it's your turn to pour confectionery delight into your own kids. No, May Day is not like that. It's not really anything but poles and dancing, which usually would get me pretty excited and definitely keep my attention, but the May Day celebrants are not really dressed right for that. Watching a May Day celebration is sort of like watching a kid at an elementary school playing with a tetherball pole to which there is no actual ball attached. They just sort of hold on to whatever chain is available there and walk around the pole. That's what it's like on May Day, except there are ribbons involved and I always picture the people dressed up as little Dutch kids, which I am sure is not right.
     Anyway, the other reason that I don't celebrate May Day is because I don't really want to. I mean, it's only been ten days give or take since St. Peaches Day, and I am still cleaning confetti out of my bushes, and that's enough I think. Plus, Memorial Day is coming up quickly, and that's the traditional start to the summer, and since I am actually OFF for Memorial Day this year I am pretty psyched for it. I don't have the time or energy for a holiday that is all flowers and ribbons when there is a long weekend that is all burgers and camping just starting to pop its head over the horizon. I mean, even all the people around the world who celebrate May Day can't seem to agree why they are all celebrating it. I can't get behind this thing unless we can get a little bit of consensus here, people.
     So I won't be celebrating May Day this year, or probably any year in the near future. But you can feel free to, I won't judge you. It is your prerogative to go ahead and dance around a pole singing "Tra la la, Tra le le!" That's fine. Happy May Day to you then.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hooray! hooray! It's the first of May, outdoor screwing begins today!