1.) People who speak English with a stereotypically foreign accent. Like if an actor is speaking perfect English in a stereotypical German or French or Indian accent. I am not talking about someone who is from Germany struggling to get by in daily life while speaking English, I am talking about an actor or just weirdo doing it for the hell of it. If they tried to speak it with a Hottentot accent I would probably pee myself. Or be really confused.
2.) Sausage. Just about everything about it makes me giggle. The shape, the fact that old delis have smoked sausage hanging from their ceilings, the fact that it's tied together sometimes. Also, it's often made out of a cut of meat called the "Boston butt" which, because I am a boy just gets me all excited in a third-grader-who-just-heard-the-teacher-fart kind of way.
3.) Randomly throwing random things at random people. This might be the funnest activity in the history of man. Would you like to see me laugh my ass off on a regular basis? Call me into your office, then, as you are talking to me, launch a ball of paper or a capped pen at someone who happens to walk by. I will probably laugh so hard I will start to choke. So maybe brush up on your mouth-to-mouth recussitation first. Especially if you are a chick.
4.) Little kids. Have you ever seen that show Kids Say the Darndest Things? Or watched America's Funniest Home Videos? Yeah, kids are hilarious. Until they acting like little shitheads. But they do and say things that are really truly hilarious if you are an adult. And they they add the facial expressions on top of it and their limited vocabulary and grammar abilities and it is over the top. Enjoy it because by the time they are teenagers they will be stealing your car and knifing you in your sleep. I've seen it a million times.
5.) Any video in fast motion set to the music from Benny Hill. Oh yeah. It could be a video of one of the guys from Deadliest Catch gutting a fish they accidentally caught in one of their traps and I would laugh my ass off. Seriously. If you took an episode of Sex in the City and put it in fast motion to the Benny Hill song I would watch it all day long. And that might be the worst show that's not on MTV. That's just how magical that combination is.