Monday, April 20, 2009

St. Peaches Day

      Holy shit boys and girls, I don't know if you have noticed but today is April 20, which means that it is St. Peaches Day all throughout the land.  If you have not done so already, you should probably get up, go outside, and throw confetti in your bushes.  That is how Daniel Tosh celebrates Daylight Savings Time and that is the only way to celebrate St. Peaches Day.  You throw confetti in your bushes and then eat a cupcake and watch The Cannonball Run on VHS.  Hey, don't argue with me, that is just how St Peaches Day is celebrated.  In some parts of the American Northeast these festivities are celebrated while wearing a pirate outfit (as shown above), a custom that is rapidly gaining popularity in other areas as well.  After throwing confetti in ones bushes and eating cupcakes and watching The Cannonball Run on VHS while dressed as a pirate St. Peaches Day celebrants generally congregate in hallways of dormatories and youth hostels and chain hotels and play with Legos while people walk by.  Please do not question this traditional celebration of this, one of the greatest holidays ever known to man.  Their origins are mysterious and date back to the turn of the century when St. Peaches Day began to be celebrated widely.
     St. Peaches Day is an ancient holiday, having been celebrated for over 300 hours by people all across North America, from the deserts of Nevada to the flat plains of Lower Michigan to the Piedmont of South Carolina.  The native tribes of Arctic Quebec have been known to celebrate the day with feats of grilled caribou and canned tomatoes.  The holiday is also celebrated in Mexico by the hundreds of American twenty-somethings who flock there to lie on the beach all day long and get laid by random people while chugging cheap tropical drinks.  St. Peaches Day also enjoys a strong following in Hilo, Hawai'i.
     So now that you know a little background information I guess that my question is this: Why are you waiting around to start celebrating this most wonderful of all holidays?  I mean, come on.  It is better and more exciting than Christmas, Arbor Day, and V-E Day combined.  And you get to eat cupcakes, something that no other holiday can boast.  It is easy to start, let me tell you how.  First, print out this post on some of the finest colored construction paper that money can buy.  Then rip it up into tiny little pieces, placing the pieces into a bucket or bowl of some sort as you create them.  Once all the papers have been ripped into tiny pieces, take the bowl outside and throw the pieces of paper festively into your front bushes, whether they be lilac or arbor vitae or some other stupid variety.  If you perhaps live in an apartment or FEMA tent city just use any bushes you can find.  I am sure you neighbor or insurance claims adjuster has some at their home or place of business.  I believe that you will find that once you go ahead with the confetti-throwing the rest will just sort of fall in line, and before you know it you will be celebrating St. Peaches Day like a pro, like the very handsome man pictured above.  Just try it, it is great.  Enjoy.  And Happy Saint Peaches Day to everyone!  I am off to play with my Legos.

Editor's Note: If you want to learn more about St. Peaches Day please click here.

1 comment:

WeLikeTheMoon62 said...

I am not VHS compatible, therefor, fail at St. Peaches Day.