St. Peaches Day is an ancient holiday, having been celebrated for over 300 hours by people all across North America, from the deserts of Nevada to the flat plains of Lower Michigan to the Piedmont of South Carolina. The native tribes of Arctic Quebec have been known to celebrate the day with feats of grilled caribou and canned tomatoes. The holiday is also celebrated in Mexico by the hundreds of American twenty-somethings who flock there to lie on the beach all day long and get laid by random people while chugging cheap tropical drinks. St. Peaches Day also enjoys a strong following in Hilo, Hawai'i.
So now that you know a little background information I guess that my question is this: Why are you waiting around to start celebrating this most wonderful of all holidays? I mean, come on. It is better and more exciting than Christmas, Arbor Day, and V-E Day combined. And you get to eat cupcakes, something that no other holiday can boast. It is easy to start, let me tell you how. First, print out this post on some of the finest colored construction paper that money can buy. Then rip it up into tiny little pieces, placing the pieces into a bucket or bowl of some sort as you create them. Once all the papers have been ripped into tiny pieces, take the bowl outside and throw the pieces of paper festively into your front bushes, whether they be lilac or arbor vitae or some other stupid variety. If you perhaps live in an apartment or FEMA tent city just use any bushes you can find. I am sure you neighbor or insurance claims adjuster has some at their home or place of business. I believe that you will find that once you go ahead with the confetti-throwing the rest will just sort of fall in line, and before you know it you will be celebrating St. Peaches Day like a pro, like the very handsome man pictured above. Just try it, it is great. Enjoy. And Happy Saint Peaches Day to everyone! I am off to play with my Legos.
Editor's Note: If you want to learn more about St. Peaches Day please click here.