Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Questions I Want Answered

1.) In men's bathrooms there is always a urinal that is set lower to the ground for short people and children. Why is there not a urinal set up high for very tall people or performers on stilts? It seems to me that it's a bit of a double standard.

2.) How come you drive on the parkway and park on the driveway? Screw you. The parkway is not named after semi-permanently stopping your vehicle in one place, it's so named because there are supposed to be trees and flowers and grass and ornamental bridges as part of the deal. That was the idea behind the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut, which was the original one. If you see a "Something Parkway" in the middle of an industrial park or something it's a fucking liar.And your driveway is called such because it lets you drive from your road to your house or garage. This is not that hard people. So I guess my question here is this: Why do people keep asking this stupid question? Why can't anyone figure this out?

3.) Can you really use peanuts to make nitroglycerin or was George Washington Carver just messing with us?

4.) Is there any way that we can lock up the morons who try to say that water should have no taste? Because that's the most retarded thing I have ever heard. Of course your water should taste like something. Even distilled bottled overpriced store water has SOME taste. It might be the taste of plastic and carcinogens from the bottling equipment, but it's still a taste. I can understand maybe not wanting your water to taste like the fluoride solution they use at the dentist, but does it really hurt to have your H2O tasting like some minerals? I don't think so.

5.) Who invented the recliner and where can I send them a gift? Or if they are dead where are they buried so I can put flowers on their grave? Because they deserve it because they are great, and recliners are great, and that sort of greatness should be rewarded. I am going to get my best scientists and my laziest unpaid interns right on it so I can get the info and take action. It's only right.

No comments: