Friday, April 03, 2009

Monetize

     I don't know if you realize this, Company, but I pretty much do just about everything here at Big Dave and Company by myself. Oh yeah. True story. I mean, sometimes I receive assistence from my legions of unpaid interns or from the dozens of jailed ex-computer hackers that I pay to help me by slipping them files and cigarettes in prison. Oh, and by the good folks at Blogger. But anyway, I am provided, like most bloggers, with this nice interface that allows me to basically click and drag stuff around. Oh yeah, none of that HTML colon, colon, parenthasis, dash, dash, colon, slash bullshit for me. I mean, I certainly COULD do all that suff if I wanted to but honestly, I don't. So I am more than happy to go ahead and use the astuff that Blogger provides me.
     Well, right about the time that we reached our first birthday extravaganza a button appeared on my little display that said "monetize," which intrigued me greatly. First of all, I wondered if that just magically appears when one reaches their one-year anniversary. I wondered that because I am a ragining idiot. Blogger doesn't keep track of that kind of stuff. Okay, so then what's the deal? Why does Blogger want me to monetize Big Dave and Company so badly? These questions tugged at me as I stared at that button. I wanted nothing more than to click on it and see what happened. But I was scared. Because long ago I came to the decision that I would never put up an ad for money on Big Dave and Company. That's not what it's about. We are bombarded with advertisements almost every minute of every day of our lives.  They are on our TV's, stadiums, highways, just about everywhere.  The last place you need to see them is here.  Especially when you already have to sit through this crap to begin with.  Now that you think about it you can see why I don't want ads.
      "But the ads would make you tons of cashola."  No.  No they would not.  Because you get 1/8th of a cent for each time someone clicks on an ad you host, and that's nothing.  Because the only time they get clicked on is when someone does it accidentally when they are drunk off their ass.  So why bother?  It's just going to annoy everyone to no end, especially when I start bitching and moaning because I am making no money and exhorting you all to click on my ads.  No, I'm not going to do it.  I refuse to be a part of that business.
      So that's what I am trying to avoid.  And I didn't know what would happen if I clicked on that little tab, that little button.  So that's what I was up against.  There was this terrible battle going on inside of me - fear vs. curiosity - and it was making me behave like some sort of toddler who was all hyped up on too much Kool Aid.  I was antsy and had the attention span of a sand gnat.  And you could imagine how that turned out.  Curiosity can usually defeat all but the deepest fears, and so of course I clicked on the button.  Actually, what I was afraid of was that once I clicked that button all the sudden you all would have to subscribe to and pay for Big Dave and Company.  And we all know that wouldn't work.  But I had some faith in the great people at Blogger, and I knew that there was never anything they offered to you that couldn't be undone.  So I clicked it.  And all it did was take me to the gadget that allowed me to put up all sorts of ads.  But it included a "cancel" button so I pushed it and all ended well.  I had my curiosity satiated.  And neither of us have to look at any ads.  I should push more random buttons.

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