It's Saturday and Big Dave is gone, so Big Dave and Company has gone to te Unpaid Interns. And as soon as we are able to crack this safe with all the petty cash we will be the Paid Interns. But that's for another time and place. We've really enjoyed our vacation from our cruel master, even if it is only for a weekend. So here for your enjoyment, is a list of the stuff we have done that we were not supposed to while he was gone. And since we really love Mind Junk, and wish we worked there because their interns actually get paid, we are going to make it a list of eight.
1.) We raced Big Dave's Executive High-Backed Leather Desk Chair down a nearby hill. We put a collander on the newest intern's head and sent him flying. Have you ever seen a desk chair go down a hill? It's inspiring. Even when the wheels break off. And it is totally inspiring when that chair gets hit by a Saturn.
2.) We rented out his office to a family of Spanish immigrants. Oh yeah, fresh off the boat from Spain. They don't speak any English, and there are thirty of them. Last we saw they had plastered the room with Spanish flags and someone had driven their SEAT through the window. Also, I think they set up a soccer field there too. But they said that new carpet of Big Dave's really makes for a fast pitch.
3.) One word: kegger.
4.) We turned the waiting room into a first class, upscale kitchen. And we have made a pile renting it out to this chef, which is strange because there is no dining room anywhere to be found. We don't know exactly how this chef guy is working things out but he seems to be. The people buying the food must be eating out on the sidewalk or under a freeway overpass somewhere. Oh well, we got paid.
5.) There is now a swimming pool where the excecutive bathroom used to be. At least until you open the door. Maybe we should make it into a half-door so we can just jump in and the water will stay in there. We will get the maintenance guy on that.
6.) Oh, by the way, we kidnapped the maintenance guy. Please don't tell the authorities.
7.) Fourteen interns locked inside a boardroom. Who comes out alive? Watch and see this summer on a new season of "Intern Survivor," only on Fox.
8.) We went outside. To be completely fair, Big Dave lets us go outside SOMETIMES, but we went outside and didn't get any coffee for anyone, and didn't pick up any dry cleaning, and didn't walk any dogs. Come to think of it, why do we walk dogs? No one here even has a dog. Anyhow, we just went out and smelled the sunshine, basked in the fresh air, and one of us got hit by a car. We also ran through the sprinkler, which was probably not a smart idea since it was about seventeen degrees outside, but we had the most fun.
Big Dave will be back soon so we should probably think about cleaning up this place, but we don't care. We had a great weekend of freedom and we wouldn't trade it for anything. And maybe we can hold the maintenance guy hostage for a chance to do it again.