Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Beginning Puberty on April Fool's Day

     Four days. We have been celebrating the first anniversary, or the first birthday, whichever you want to call it, of Big Dave and Company for the last four days with the help of some very good friends. Many thanks go out to Adrianne, Mike-a-licious and Guy H. for their contributions and warm thoughts. Really, honestly, you made me blush and deeply honroed me with the things you said. So knock it off, because I don't look good when I am blushing. But seriously, thank you very much for everything. It was a great birthday celebration.
     A lot has been happening the last couple of days worldwide, but we will talk about that later, okay? Because that stuff can wait. We need to talk about more important things. We need to talk about us. And by us I mean me. And by me I mean us, as in Big Dave and Company.
     Here's the deal. We are starting our second year, which means we are going to be doing a lot of cool stuff soon. Running around. Eating more whole foods. That kind of stuff. Or, if you want to think like Mikealicious, we are entering years 11-20, which means we are going to hit puberty, start driving, and get laid pretty soon. AWESOME! Either way we are entering a time of great change and growth. You may have noticed some big changes already. Like that pepperoni-faced teenager going through puberty we just talked about we look a little different these days. New designs, new layouts. But don't worry. Underneath we are still the same douchebags we were before. All the same stuff is here, it's just in new exciting places, kind of like hair when you go through puberty. So don't get freaked out. Just look around and take it all in. Don't be scared, baby!
     There are a couple of new things. I don't know if you've ever noticed, but down at the bottom of every post, where you aren't clicking to leave me comments about what you think, it tells you who posted that day's post. No kidding! Well, for the last year it's pretty much been exclusively me. But not anymore. Here's the story:
     Last year, we had an unpaid intern who was actually a pretty talented writer, but we would never let her put up any posts. I mean, come on. She was an intern for Christ's sake. But we did let her do our dishes and fetch our coffee. In retrospect maybe we should have let her use a cup to carry it. Anyway, she was dead set at entering this writing contest put on by a local magazine-type publication, and we, of course, were berating her and telling her that there was no way she could win. I mean, that's what you do to an unpaid intern: you break them down and then throw them away and get a new one. Am I right? Well, she was hard headed and had what Dr. Phil would call "good self esteem" and "positive reinforcement from her family" (trust us, we opened and read all her letters from home, those people absolutely LOVED her) and so she entered anyway. And she made a bet with us: if she won the contest we'd have to let her start writing some of our posts. Well, as usual, we were drunk and not paying attention to what she said so we agreed just to shut her up. Bad move on our part. About two months after the typical intern life of being chained up in our rumpus room, eating nothing but canned beets, and being allowed to watch nothing but reruns of "Growing Pains" on TV finally got he hauled out of here screaming in a straight-jacket in a highly televised incident the word came back that she had actually won.  No big deal, right?  Well, apparently the other unpaid interns have a pretty good memory, and I guess that one of them was pre-law for like seventeen minutes when he was a sophomore at ITT Tech (that ITT Tech offers degrees in EVERYTHING these days!  Wow!) and so he was able to convince a judge that our drunken, verbal contract with that unpaid intern chick was in fact a valid contract, so now we have to let our unpaid interns write posts.  At least he wasn't able to convince the judge that being an unpaid intern at Big Dave and Company was basically like being a slave, or a cult member, or a Columbia House member.  So anyway, the unpaid interns are still here, but once in a while we have to allow them to write posts.  So if it has poor grammar and makes little sense, you know that I wrote it as usual.  If it has beautiful pictures and dignified sentence structure, then check at the bottom.  If it says "From the desk of Big Dave" I wrote it as usual, and if it says "From the desk of the Company" then it's from one of the unpaid interns.  And believe me, it's highly edited less it's an SOS.  If it has another name that means that we've probably been hacked or we've brought someone new home from the truckstop.
     So anyway, we hope you like the changes, and we hope you stick with us for our second year.  Season Two if we were a TV show.  Leave a comment or send an e-mail to bigdave@bigdaveandcompany.com and let us know what you think about our new look.  And our new used features.  And the stuff we got rid of.  All that jazz.  Or don't.  Because maybe this is all a hoax.  Maybe it's all an elaborate April Fool's Day prank.  Maybe tomorrow it will all be back to normal.  Maybe you have just been punk'd.  Is Ashton Kutcher around or is he trolling the nursing home for his next wife?  No one knows.  That's the suspense.  That's the fun.  That's the deal.  Happy April Fool's Day everyone!

4 comments:

Mikealicious said...

If the new look is not an April fools day joke then I like it. If it is, well then go f%#* yourself! You're dead to me.

Anonymous said...

its a little crazy with all the poke-a-dots and what not but i suppose we might get use to it.also it cant be a joke lets face it your just as lazy as me and wouldnt redo everything for one day. which also means 19 more days till st peaches day

Adrianne said...

Hey pallie, just so you know your blog looks like shit.

Is that anonymous poster my sister? For some reason when I read that comment I can hear her voice inside my head. Get out, Leigh Ann.

Anonymous said...

no its not your sister.