Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Try On A Nice Pair of Slacks

     In the 1860s, as Charles Crocker and his associates in "The Big Four" were building the Central Pacific Railroad across the Sierra Nevada mountain, he hired thousands upon thousand of Chinese laborers to do the heavy, exhausting, dangerous work of clearing the way and building the tracks. He needed something with which to clothe them, a fabric that was tough and durable yet relatively cheap. And so denim was born. By the 1920's they were making modern blue jeans. And somewhere along the way they made the decision to put blue jeans on girls, which was just a fantastic idea. Whomever came up with this idea should probably be given some sort of medal, maybe a Nobel Prize or something. And if that girl is wearing stiletto heels with her jeans, oh man am I in trouble. But I digress. By the time you are reading this post jeans are the most popular and all-encompassing piece of clothing in American culture, and people are wearing jeans to places and in situations that they never would have dreamed of only ten years ago. That being said, some people, we call the people retarded douchebags, have taken it to a level that is simply inappropriate. So let's talk about some places that you should NEVER wear blue jeans.
     First of all is court. That seems to me that it's pretty much a no brainer. No matter what you want to think about our society today there is still a ton of impression that come to people based on how you look and how you present yourself. Bottom line. Sure the court system is supposed to be based on evidence and innocent until proven guilty and all that jazz, but you can't tell me that a judge or a jury isn't going to look differently at a person who is contrite, respectful and wearing a shirt and tie than they are at a person who seems bored, uninterested, and is wearing baggy jeans, an inappropriate t-shirt with a white and black flannel thrown over it and a bandanna. Because you know the first guy stands a chance and the second guy has the jury thinking "robbery and drugs and drunkenness and sex acts to vile to mention" as soon as he is escorted through the door. So wear some God-damn khakis to your sentencing, dumbass. I work in a courthouse and I can't tell you how many times I have seen someone walk down from the third floor, which contains nothing but court-related areas, wearing jeans and barely more than a t-shirt. And I can't begin to say how much it aggravates me.
     A job interview is generally another place that you don't want to wear your blue jeans. Even if you are going to wear like a blazer over them it's still not okay. If I were a recruiter for a company, or like a human resources person, I would be a little bit insulted. I would feel disrespected. Unless of course I was interviewing someone to be a blue jeans model. Or maybe if I was the human resources person at a carnival. But that's about it. If you are interviewing for any job for which you had to send in a resumé, then you are most definitely in a situation where blue jeans are not appropriate. Go down to JC Penney's and pick up a pair of cheap pants, your grandparents would probably call them slacks as they sit on the davenport but that's what you need. Even if you aren't willing to wear a tie at least find a polo shirt stashed away in a closet somewhere. Come on. At least fake like you are putting in some effort for the people interviewing you.
     Another good place to not wear you blue jeans is to the bank. And I am not talking about if you are going in to cash your paycheck or maybe you just need to order checks. I am not talking about if you are doing something that the teller can do for you in their line in like 16 seconds flat. If you have to sit down in an office or a cubicle somewhere in the bank and fill out paperwork, like if you are asking for a loan or opening an account or getting a CD or something, then you should be dressed more for like a business setting. I truly believe this. Because banks are a business setting and the last thing you want to do is tell them that you can't afford a pair of Dockers. Does this make sense to anyone out there? Is this registering in your brain, improperly dressed hoodlum?
     If you are reading this and you are a big star in the entertainment world, or if maybe you just plan to be someday, let me give you another piece of advice. If you are going to a benefit, or an awards show, don't wear jeans, even if it's a crappy awards show like The Golden Globes. I don't care how much you paid for them, or how stylish they are, or what you are wearing above or below them on your body, or which designer paid some 8-year old Malaysian girl to stitch them together on your behalf, it's just not right. Wear a dress or a skirt or at least some of those black pants that every girl in America owns a pair of. Because jeans are not really a fashion statement. All jeans tell the people looking at what you are wearing is that you were too lazy to wear a skirt and didn't feel like wearing a thong.
     So those are just a few instances in which it's not really good or appropriate to wear jeans. Some places that you used to have to wear nice clothes for, like school or church or the doctors or the casino (Las Vegas and Atlantic City excepted), it is now considered appropriate to wear your jeans loud and proud. But if you are doing something that's a little out of the ordinary, maybe going somewhere that you don't go on a regular basis, like to court. Then you should probably wear something other than your best 501's. Just a tip. Unless you want to look like a douchebag x 2.

1 comment:

Mikealicious said...

Wearing Jeans in court is almost as bad as wearing a hat while you eat in a restaurant. I can't stand that either.