Friday, March 20, 2009

One Good Turn Deserved Another

     Something happened the other day that, let's be honest, every one of us has wanted to happen. You may not admit to it, you may not even know it, but somewhere along the way you have either said, thought, or agreed with the following statement, especially if you are a guy: "It would be so awesome if someone who just robbed a store totally got robbed when they were leaving the store." At least I have thought about it. I have thought about it many, many, many, times. Many times. No, I mean seriously. Like, I imagine it several times a day. You know how Dane Cook always wants to see a man get hit by a car? Well I always want to see some thieves get thieved right outside of the place they just thieved from. Well that just happened. And I'm going to tell you all about it.
     So these two dudes came up with the big idea that it would be good to rob a jewelry store. Bold decision. So Frick and Frack go into a Milwaukee jewelry store, and one of the them as a gun, let's say it's Frack and he is carrying a glock. Okay? So they stroll in an proceed to liberate the jewelry store of its money and I would assume much of its jewelry. No big deal. Shit happens. But what happened next is magical.
As the two left the store shortly before eleven in the morning on Wednesday, they were approached by a group of four men who proceeded to rob them of everything the had just robbed from the jewelry store. How awesome is that? I love this. Isn't this like the ultimate slap in the face from karma for these guys? Seriously? It's basically like Earl getting hit by the car right after he wins the lottery. You steal from someone and four thugs are going to steal it all right back from you. Take that, douchebags. I can only imagine the two guys, bolting out of the store and nervously and excitedly looking around for the cops, not seeing any, and then thinking they got off scott free and then WHAM-O! four guys come up and start the beat down.
     Actually, this ramped up and turned into a real guy-pleaser. Not only did you have the robbery, which I assume involved ski masks and the gun we talked about before, but then the subsequent robbery of the robbers out on the sidewalk. But then the two groups fought. Oh yeah. They were wailing on each other right out in plain view in the public. Maybe it spilled out into traffic, who knows? I like to imagine that at least one of the them, or maybe two of them, probably the two who were the original robbers and were fighting against the four who were the second wave of robbers, were ninjas, and they were doing all sorts of crazy kicks against the other ones while standing back to back. I am sure it was glorious. When I was reading about all this tomfoolery, I didn't think that it could get any better. But then the whole group, all the thieves, they kicked it up a notch. They got in a car chase.
     Oh yeah. And it wasn't just your typical bullshit LAPD super lame-o California car chase with the cops chasing some moron in a Honda. Oh no. Not only were they chasing each other, but the cops were chasing the whole lot of them. So let's recap: robbers rob the store, robbers rob robbers, robbers chase robbers, and then the cops bring up the rear. This is about the most wonderful that it could ever be. If you were standing on the street corner, which I do on a regular basis, I would guess that it would look like this: first, a car would go by. It would be a mid-80s Impala or something, one color, rust-free, with four dudes in masks driving. Then, right behind them, would be two guys on motorcycles dressed as ninjas shouting in Japanese. Then, about 12 seconds later, a group of six or so squad cars would go screaming by, hopefully in the same direction. This of course, was not what it was really like at all.
     First of all, I highly doubt that in reality anyone was a ninja, and I am sure none of them spoke Japanese. Of the six, the police were able to arrest four: the two original robbers and two the second wave. The original two were aged 31 and 40, and the other two were 22 and 27, and all of them hailed from Illinois. None of this really supports my ninja theory. True to form, the police have yet to have a description of the other two, or a value of how much was taken. So we will probably know in the next couple of days here. But I still have to give these guys some credit because, quite frankly, they made one of my many dreams come true. And that's neat. And I hope karma goes easy on these guys. Especially the first two. Because they already got bitch-slapped for pulling off a robbery by being robbed themselves, and they DID all manage to put on a pretty spectacular show for everyone, what with the fighting and chase scenes. People pay $10 to watch that stiff at the movies, and on Wednesday they got it for free. So maybe they've repaid their karma, who knows? All I know is I wish I had been there to see it.

No comments: