Monday, March 16, 2009

The Discarded Bouquet

     Sunday was warm and beautiful: the sun was out and it was strong when compared to what we've had to aid us all winter long.  The ice and snow were quickly melting off and the air smelled " dirt and leaves" as BankingPlanes put it.  So naturally I was out and about, and I happened to drive by a house.  Well, I drove by a lot of houses but this particular one had a bouquet of flowers lying discarded at the end of the driveway.  It was an odd but totally unsurprising sight.  It sort of had that kind of look like some photographer should be coming around to take a picture of it at any minute to put up at an art fair or something that would have made everyone wonder about what the symbolism of the whole thing was.  The scene had that sort of quality about it.  But as you probably know, bouquets don't generally belong at the end of a sand-covered concrete driveway on a melty early spring day.  So it sort of got me wondering exactly how that simple little bouquet of flowers got there, and why no one seemed to be interested in it other than me.  Even now I sort of wish I had picked it up and given it a nice home, and I hope someone had.  But, to make an already long story not too much longer I let the imagination run wild as to how those flowers ended up in that driveway.  Here are some suggestions:

1.)  A young man has been throwing pebbles at the window of the love of his life for the last 25 minutes.  He's got a pretty solid if not old-school plan: Throw pebbled, then when she comes to the window there he is with some flowers.  She will inevitably sneak out and they can spend some time together, romance growing, so on and so forth.  One problem.  She's spending her Spring Break working with the disadvantaged kids who come up from the city to Camp Tall Pines out in Minnesota.  You can see why he's got the hots for her now, can't you?  Well, he's not the brightest and he doesn't remember she's gone so he keeps trying: he's persistent at least.  But you know, fathers can hear pebbles being thrown at their daughters' window, it's bred into them instinctively, and so guess who appeared in the window that night?  Pulse raises, flowers drop to the ground, legs and arms go into motion and the young man sprints off into the night.  Maybe next time he will write down her schedule.

2.)  Have you ever seen those crazy people who like extreme sports?  You know, they jump off bridges with ropes attached to their feet, they ski places where people aren't meant to ski, etc.  Well, two of them met at a meeting of the skydiving club, and there was conveniently a judge who was in the same club.  So they had it all planned.  The reception would be outdoors, they would get married while plummeting towards the ground from 20,000 ft, the first kiss would be right before they pull the ripcords, and then the reception would begin as soon as they landed right in the middle of it.  Grand plan, except for one thing: The Bridesmaid dropped her bouquet.  Oh well.  Good thing there wasn't a car parked in that driveway today.

3.)  What the authorities don't know is that the friendly local flower shop is really just a front for the friendly local loan shark.  So, as often happens with loan sharks shit went down.  Let's just say that one wrong person messed with the next wrong person and before you know three guys in ski masks are breaking down the front door of the flower shop, hustling into the back room, and grabbing the old man by the shirt collar and throwing him into the flower shop delivery van which is just being loaded with the flowers for the skydiving wedding.  The van peels out and the loan shark/flower seller's goon chase after.  The chase winds through the streets, around corner after corner, from the downtown business district into the residential areas.  As the van careens around a corner the flower shop guy makes his break for it.  Punches on kidnapper in the stomach, elbows the other one in the face, throws open the door and tucks and rolls.  He timed it pretty  well because he hit the grass where it was soft with the spring melt, rolled three times and then hopped to his feet as the van came to a screeching halt.  He was oblivious to the bouquet that got stuck in his rolled-up shirtsleeve when he jumped and so of course he didn't notice it when he sprang away through the backyards as the van took off down the next street looking for him.  And with all the hubub no one else in town noticed the bouquet either, so there it lay.  I am sure the cops will pick it up eventually as part of their investigation.

4.)  Something is horribly wrong here.  Kelsey is distraught since her cousin was hit by a car since walking home.  She had been really close to her cousin but two months ago he had moved far away to a new town.  So now she is here, wondering why there isn't more of a memorial to him at the site where he was tragically killed.  He aunt said she had put a cross.  But Kelsey was never good with geography, and she could never really remember the name of the town where he had moved to.  So I guess it's understandable that, driving up in the middle of the night and being so distraught that she would throw a bouquet of flowers into a driveway in the next town over from where her cousin lived.

Okay, so who knows?  It's probably much simpler than that but a lot less fun.  So I am going to assume that it was one of the above scenarios that led to me seeing those flowers there.  But I can't be sure.  How do you think it happened?


Adrianne said...

I really like this post. I'm thinking it ended up in the driveway as a result of a domestic dispute.
A poor, pitiful husband either (A. Forgot his wife's birthday. (B. Forgot he and his wife's anniversary. Or (C. Didn't thank his wife after she cleaned his dried up piss from underneath the toilet seat for the 900th time. Regardless these flowers weren't good enough for Connie (the wife I'm picturing in my head). She needs to be wisked away on a vacation to a remote tropical isle. She needs to feel the sand in between her toes and the salt air breezing through her hair. But she's not going to say a word about anything like that. She's waiting for Roger (husband character in my head) to come up with the idea on his own. She deserves it after all. She raised their three beautiful children (Audrey, Cindy and little Butch) into upstanding citizens of Wisconsin socitey, she deserved to be treated to a get away....but no, instead she got grocery store flowers. How dare he.

Big Dave said...

Roger is a pretty nice guy, and he tries but sometimes he just doesn't get it. He's a little old school in that he doesn't show a lot of emotion though, so I could see where Connie would be a little frustrated.