Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Very Hairy Situation

     For those of you who don't know, I am employed in an office full of women. Dr. J and I are the only Y chromosomes to be found. Now, normally this doesn't bother me whatsoever. In fact I enjoy it most of the time. There is a lot to be said for like ten people watching out for your well-being and keeping you honest. So it's great. Most of the time. But this morning I finally ran into one of the few disadvantages to being surrounded by a compliment of lovely ladies. And that's the hair factor.
     Two nights ago, Sue Too went out and got her hair done, which is fine. It looks nice, everything ship shape, so on and so forth. But that seemingly insignificant event led to such an explosion of hair-related converstation yesterday, I didn't even know what to do. Dr. J was away at his office hours in another building, and I was left to weather the storm all by my lonesome. And that's what it was like. A hurricane. One normal eveny, getting your hair done, or say a thunderstorm over the eastern Atlantic, met with the right kinds of conditions and blew up into something huge and threatening to my well being.
     And I like hair. When I see a girl that's the first thing I notice. I know, that's not normal. I know that I am strange in that regard and I am sure that someday down the road I will have to spend many thousands of dollars lying on a couch talking about it with a professional, but that's just how I am. I am not a fan of short hair on women, I am sorry. So I tend to be a little more sensitive to changes in hairstyles in women because that's always one of the parts I am checking out. I am not like the typical guy who is just hoping to notice there has been a change so he doesn't get yelled at. I am actually sort of actively interested in girls hair. You can stop laughing now. But still, considering all that, the intense, multi-faceted hairgasm that went on in my office yesterday made my brain leak out of my ear. I can't even imagine what it would have been like for a normal guy. The only way I was able to survive it intact was to stare at my computer screen like I was getting ready to say "Mirror, mirror, on the wall..." to it and begin asking questions. And my computer wasn't even on. My body did the equivalent of bears hibernating in the winter. It shut down all of my sensory functions except the very lowest level of hearing I had until the danger had passed by. That's how it protected my brain from leaking out of my ear. All I could hear was a far-away and echo-y sort of din until the malestrom died down. Then I reanimated like I was freaking Walt Disney in the year 2100 or something.
     But I did survive, and I am no worse for the wear. The Ladies got to discuss their hair-related agenda, I got what was essentially another ten minutes worth of sleep, albeit with my eyes open, and Sue Too got a new, tried-and-true hairstyle. And it's all fine. It comes with the territory. And I can't really complain because for every time The Ladies have had to hear my say to Dr. J "Huh huh, you just said 'balls!'" I can listen to them discuss someone's hair, or discuss menopause, or discuss whatever they want to. The way I figure it everything basically comes out a wash in the end. But this was such an unexpected and frantic hair-related buzzing that it just sort of took me by surprise. I guess that I had better not get the mowhawk like I had planned, Shit would go crazy then.


Anonymous said...

Big Dave - YOU'RE THE DEVIL! I love you, you know -


Sue Too

bankingplanes said...

I'm wearing my hair up today, however I'm thinking about washing it in panteen (because it has pro-vitamins) and wearing it down the rest of the night. Sometimes I think about cutting it all off when I'm pulling it out of the drain or cutting it out of the vacuum (gross right?) or cleaning out my brush etc. etc. then I realize I look really bad when my hair is short thus I keep it long. Oh I'm sorry, is this too much "hair" info for you? ;-)

Big Dave said...

Bankingplanes - That is just the perfect amount. You are one of the few young women who look equally pretty with your hair either up or down.

Sue Too - Thanks! Love you too!