Monday, January 12, 2009

Local Phone Saved From Drowning by Area Emergency Personnel

    In what many are calling a bold strategy, a local man today took the unprecedented step of dropping his 2007 LG Model AX5000 cell phone into a pot of rapidly boiling water not once, but twice.  
     After placing the phone on a shelf above the stove so that he could add angel hair pasta to the pot of boiling water while continuing his conversation with G-funk, area man Big Dave was stunned when the bright red communication device suddenly slid down off the shelf and directly into said pot. 
     "I immediately regretted the decision to turn on the speaker phone function and set it on its side on the shelf above the stove." noted the stunned cell phone owner.  The phone's fall and and the resulting commotion caused a delay in the essential process of cooking the angel hair pasta section of a delicious spaghetti dinner.  In fact, the attempts to catch the falling appliance caused the cardboard box holding said noodles into the water as well.
     While local authorities were able to successfully rescue the AX5000 from the treacherous bath of boiling liquid, they were unable to rescue the box.  "The while we were able to immediately pull the victim from the water using its antenna protrusion we were unable to remove the pasta box at the same time and it was deemed a total loss" reported Worldwide Headquarters Fire Chief Butt Hansen.  
     A second tragedy ensued as emergency personnel attempted to remove the soggy, bloated corpse of the pasta box from the still boiling pot of water.  While cell phone repair technicians and medical personnel worked to revive the AX5000 and continue the conversation, the phone slid down the precariously pitched shelf and back into the water, nearly breaking the gradually immersing noodles in the process.
     "We almost lost a lot of good men, women, and pasta in there when that phone came back down the second time." noted Chief Hanson as a solitary tear slid down his cheek.  "Fortunately no one was injured in the second fall except for the AX5000." Fortunately crews were able to remove the beleaguered cell phone a second time.  At this time utility crews were able to end the threatening conditions by removing the heat from the pot, causing the boiling to subside.
   "I was pretty surprised that the phone was in as good a condition as it was, seeing as how it took the plunge twice" stated the concerned owner.  "I really hope it works and I don't have to get a new phone.  I don't have the cash for that.  But dinner turned out totally perfect considering what the noodles had to go through.  It tasted great!"  Immediately after it's traumatic experience, the phone was able to produce this text message, explaining to G-funk the abrupt end to the conversation: "g  g i dropped my ph one in a pot ofboiling   water."  Since then the victim has fallen silent.
     The victim was transported by emergency personnel to Kitchen Counter Memorial Appliance Medical Center in the Worldwide Headquarters.  It is currently resting comfortably in a disassembled state while the drying process continues.  Medical center spokesperson Dork Munchip refused to release the condition of the victim pending notification of family members.  Emergency countertop doctor Dr. Dyngho McFadden refused to give a probability of survival for the victim, noting that the battery had not even been installed back into the phone.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS!!!!! (Hope your phone is okay.)

-Adrianne