Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year 2009

     Please let us here at Big Dave and Company be the first to wish you a Happy New Year.  We hope that all is well with you and yours and we hope that this simple turning over of life's odometer brings everyone a sense of hope, faith and joy concerning all that lies ahead.  Now that that's over with, let's get down to business.  Everyone at this time of the year goes and takes a look back at things that happened in 2008.  Well, we are not everybody.  I went on and on yesterday about how I wouldn't do it.  So we here at Big Dave and Company are going to take a look ahead and tell you what is going to happen in 2009, now that it has officially begun. 

-  Someone with a Mickey Mouse T-shirt, with a denim shirt over it, will be seen standing in front of a Midwestern mobile home describing what it was like to live through an EF-4 tornado and how her brother-in-law almost died because he was too busy filming the thing to take cover.

-  Billy Mays will pitch something totally unrelated to all of the other things he has pitched before.  Like Carnival Cruises or maybe GM stock.

-  A young woman will wear gigantic plastic sunglasses that make her look like an insect despite the fact that it is not sunny outside.  She will be hit on by a guy who is also wearing sunglasses and drives a Volkswagen.

-  The History Channel will go one week without mentioning the name "Hitler."  

-  Betty White will do a commercial about pet medicine and a pre-teen watching it will wonder who the hell Betty White is.

-  The guy running the Tilt-a-Whirl will  be too busy trying to bum a smoke from the guy who runs the Ring Toss game to notice that your nephew is puking all over you, your giant cotton candy, and the cartful of nuns that just tilted or whirled by.

-  Al Gore will say something.  Nobody will listen.

-  Something zany will happen at a zoo somewhere.  I am not totally clear on what but something will escape or someone will jump into a zebra exhibit or maybe a fox will take up residence in the prairie dog exhibit at Zoo Boise.  I am not sure, but something is going to go down.

-  A certified building demolition company is going to blow up a building on purpose, but it won't be as cool as the guy who totally does it be accident.

-  At a holiday office party, you will Xerox a part of your anatomy that you don't want anyone to see.  But, with all of the amazing advances in image quality enhancement that they build into those copiers now, you won't be embarrassed at all.

-  Two Words: Rectal trauma.

-  Someone will discover a whole new, fantastic sensation when they get laid on an air hockey table. 

-  The championship game of your fraternity's eight-week long air hockey tournament will be ended prematurely by your drunken frat brother Zach and his exhibitionist girlfriend Cassandra.

-  It will be on.  It will be on 'till the break of dawn.

There's a look at what to expect as we roll into two thousand and niner.  Look for these exciting events, among others, to come to a town near you.  Happy New Year everyone!

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