Friday, December 26, 2008

An Open Letter to the Laundromat Owners In My Town: The Next Town Over

     By now, everyone knows how much I hate doing laundry, especially around here.  And you all know how excited I was about finding a laundromat that was open 24 hours a day in the next town over.  Well, I went there to do my laundry the other day, Tuesday to be more exact, and I am happy to report that I am in love with the next town over.  Like, romantically in love. 
     So I go over to the next town over and here is what goes down.  I go to the sweet 24 hour laundromat and wander inside, where it is clean and brightly lit.  Oh, and quiet.  See, there is no creepy person in there skulking around playing lame music on their cell phone and scrounging around for loose quarters.  And there was no music playing.  None.  There wasn't even a speaker.  Oh my.  So I went around and took a look.  I was impressed.  Newer machines.  Nice tables and chairs all around.  Plenty of magazines.  Even the cork board was really nice.  See, in every laundromat there is a cork board where people can hang ads and lost dog posters and that kind of stuff.  Sort of like a free classified ad section.  Usually it is populated with tons of home-made ads for all sorts of junk made with barely literate capital letters on a piece of ripped-out notebook paper.  Not here.  It was all neat and orderly and everything seemed to be at worst made with Windows Vista.  It was sweet.  I was in for an even bigger surprise once I started to do my laundry.
      I selected a double load washer, which strangely enough held the same amount of clothes that the triple-load washers at my crappy old laundromat that I used to go to.  I then plugged in some quarters, six fewer of them that I used to have to.  I was very happy.  I set the thing to wash and went out to get some dinner from the Subway up the road.  Here is where I fell head over heels for the town as a whole, as opposed to just the laundromat.  I went into the deserted Subway and the girl working behind the counter was probably the nicest Subway employee that has ever served me since I moved here.  And she made a pretty kick-ass sandwich, which I could eat in the peace and quiet of the super clean laundromat.  And I do mean super clean.  Seriously, the floor was so clean that I actually threw my dinner on the floor in the corner just so I could eat off of it.  Oh man.  And then I went to dry.
     Nowhere in the place did I see a sign that said how much time in the dryer one got for a quarter.  At the shithole I used to go to it was 5 minutes.  But when I threw in a rare, mint condition, Denver mint Georgia quarter I got 8 minutes.  I was hooked.  I am in, hook, line, and sinker.  I am there.  Eleven miles.  Thirteen miles.  47.5 mile detour.  I don't care.  That's my new laundromat, for now and forever.  I love the laundromat and I love the town.  
     It's like this: Do you remember the Potter Sisters from high school?  Well, my town is like the older Potter sister.  She's a senior, she's pretty good looking, and relatively popular.  You can't really go wrong with dating Gwen Potter.  But all is not what is cracked up to be.  She gets a little more plain with every day, even starts to look a little tired, and sometimes she's a bit of a crackpot, and she has a tendency to piss you off from time to time.  But you stick with her because Gwen Potter is still a hottie, even if she gets a little less hot each time you see her in the morning with her makeup off.
     So one night you are at a party and you get in a fight.  She does something to piss you off that shows you just the kind of person she is; let's say she says she is leaving at 10 kicks you out of three different parties at the same time but a 9.  So you get in a fight with Gwen and it's messy.  You storm out onto the front porch to have a smoke and you notice Courtney Potter, Gwen's younger sister.  She's a freshman, you know of her but you don't know a whole lot about her.  But she's really pretty.  Prettier than Gwen is turning out to be.  And she's saying all the right things.  So you grab her, slide back to your place and discover that she does a lot of the same things as Gwen but she does them better, in a way that you like a little more.  So you, being the stone cold playa that you are, you start skeezing around with Courtney but you keep up appearances of still being with Gwen.  Because Gwen might have her issues but you can't go wrong with Gwen Potter.  You might be in love with Courtney because she's younger and she's fresh and maybe she has a piercing in a place that it's exciting to see a piercing and because you haven't seen the cracks through the makeup and the anger at Gwen yet.  So you are infatuated with Courtney and seeing her behind everyone's back but you are sticking with Gwen for the future.  Sure it doesn't bode well for the future with either of them but you know what?  I don't care.  I am happy to live in Gwen Potter and work in Gwen Potter and settle down with Gwen Potter.  But I an definitely going to let Courtney keep doing my laundry.  And I am going to love every minute of it.  

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