Monday, December 15, 2008

An Open Letter to the Laundromat Owners in My Town: Update

     If you pay attention, you know how much I love doing laundry.  Correction: You know how much I hate doing the laundry in this town.  Most of this enmity and hatred stems from my ongoing feud with the laundromat owners in this town.  Well, there is good news, and then bad news, and then more good news on that front.  Ready?  You might want to sit down.
     First of all, I think that the laundromat owners must have read my open letter, or at least the last half of it.  Because the last time I was in there, let's say that it was Thursday, there was no country music to be heard.  I was terribly excited about that.  They were rockin' the golden oldies, well, not so much golden but oldies none the less.  I actually heard the Rolling Stones while I was pre-treating a blood stain.  True story!
     Unfortunately, they did not read the part where I took exception to their business practices regarding their hours of operation.  They continue to be open only about 16 minutes each day, despite the fact that I am paying a shit ton and a half dollars for each load.  If, instead of quarters, we had to use gold doubloons to operate the Speed Queen's, then I would have to be hijacking Spanish galleons off the coast of South America.  Come on!  But anyway, it was really more the hours, or more specifically the lack thereof, that got my feathers in an uproar.
     But no more.  I no longer have a problem with this.  You want to know why?  Well, too bad.  I am going to tell you anyway.  The other day, I went to get some money out of my rainy day fund, which in November in December manages to transform itself into my Christmas Club account in the blink of an eye.  So anyway, the nearest bank branch is in the next town over, so I took a ride there the other morning after my night at the hotel, and I saw the most amazing thing in the window.  There, in the window of the laundromat in that town, lit up like Las Vegas, or at least one of the places that is not on the strip but is still sort of respectful, was a sign that said "OPEN 24 HRS."  At the laundromat.  I am going to give you a minute to let this sink in.
     Yeah, so you can see why I am so excited.  Because now, at any time of the day or night, I can get in the DykeSedan and roll like 15 minutes down the road and do my laundry.  When I first walk in there I am sure that I will find that it is like $46 per load to do my laundry but I don't care.  I am going to start going there because I like the hours of operation; they fit my lifestyle.  And, to be honest, it's personal.  I was treated in a way that I did not like from the local vendors of laundry-related services, so I am going to go to the next town.  I like driving around in my car anyway.  So there you go.  I am doing it all out of spite and I am coming out smelling like roses.  Enjoy losing $10 per week in revenue, local laundromat.
     So as you can see, I win this round.  I have stared the three-headed laundry beast in the eye and I have come out a winner.  I am voting with my pocketbook and slaying the dragon.  And every other saying that you can use.  I am feeling good about this.  I am very excited.  I am beating the laundromat and fighting for truth and justice in cleaning my clothes.  Your move, laundromat owners in my town.  Just try and bring me back.

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