Tuesday, December 02, 2008

I Am One of Them But At Least I Am Not That Guy

     Well Company, I have become one of those people, even if only temporarily.  As I write this for you I am sitting in a coffee house pecking away on the Big Dave and Company Memorial Apple iBook G4.  Since I have been experiencing problems with my Internet access at the Worldwide Headquarters I have been forced to scavenge around town for places with WiFi or open networks for me to borrow.  Well, I knew that to friendly local coffee house had an open network, but I thought that if I was going to glom off their wireless I should at least get patronize their business, right?  So here I sit with my empty cup of black coffee going to great lengths to make sure that you have the fresh, quality content that you so richly need and deserve.  
     So I am one of those coffee house people, which is fine.  But about two tables away is a guy, we will call him Captain Douchebag, who is pissing me off.  And this is the second meeting I have had with people of his type in the last two days, so I figure that we had better talk about him and his type.  He is a businessman, and he is not from around here.  He is from one of the cities down south, and he is some sort of banker.  Actually, I think he is a mortgage broker.  I know this because he is making business calls on his cell phone.  And he is talking very loudly.  Everyone else is conversing quietly, reading, or working on their computers.  The smoking hot coffee house worker is back behind the counter, you know, working.  But this guy is doing business and doing it very loudly.  I know the names of the people he is calling.  I know details about their mortgages and what they want to do with them that I should not know.  And it is all because this guy is a disrespectful ass pile.
     Okay, I understand that you aren't at home and you need Internet access to conduct your business.  That's fine, and that's totally respectable.  But if you are going to go on the road and Internet access is integral to your business, get a hotel with Internet access and business services.  Don't go to a public place and bother everyone in the joint with your loud talking.  Because nobody wants to hear you.  Actually, everyone in the place is looking pretty annoyed with you.  If you are going to be hanging out alone in a public place, that'd cool.  But please engage in an appropriate activity.  Do not do something loud like make business calls ON A SATURDAY that disrupt what everyone else is trying to do.  That is just disrespectful of those around you.  And it's disrespectful of your clients.  If I were a client of his and I found out what he was doing I would fire him in a heartbeat.  I don't want some stranger in some far-away place knowing all my business.  As is, I want to walk over there, slam his laptop shut and punch him in the face.  Seriously.  He is bad as the people last night.
     Yeah, I ran into the same situation last night.  And it occurred at my favorite place: The laundromat.  You all know mow much I love that place.  So anyway, I am there and there are three couple there plus me.  And we are all doing our laundry; no big deal.  Well, this one couple, who had their stupid little chihuahua puppy there didn't bring anything to do.  So they started playing some game on their cell phone.  That's cool.  I am all about that.  But here is the thing: turn your sound off.  Whatever little game they were playing had the most annoying little soundtrack in the world.  It wasn't classic like Super Mario Brothers, it wasn't sweet and trendy like all of the Grand Theft Autos, no it was lame and it was rendered in that super screechy beeping in which cell phones specialize.  It was terrible.  I guarantee that it was not integral to the playing of the game that they had to keep it on.  And it was so loud that it could not be escaped.  I almost went out into the car because it was so annoying.  I couldn't even read my book.  I wanted to go over there and grab his phone and throw it into one of the running dryers.  But I didn't think that would be appropriate.  I could have gone over and asked them to stop, but I didn't.  I just ignored it as best I could.  But the wife of the couple I think could tell that I was getting pissed and she did nothing to put a stop to things.  Yeah, that was classy.  I was so happy when they and their stupid dog left, I could have done a dance.  But white people don't dance well.  We discussed this earlier.  So I didn't.
     The point of the story is that those people are asses.  If you are going to be out in the public you have to be conscious and aware and respectful of the people that are in public with you.  Just because you are part of the public doesn't meant that you can be a total, disrespectful tool.  Be nice or stay home.  In fact, I am tempted to follow people who act like that home and padlock their doors shut from the outside.  But apparently stalking and false imprisonment are crimes these days.  So I have to lay off.  But please think about the people around you when you are going to do something in the public sphere.  It's nice and it's right.  Because I don't subject you to that stuff.  And so you should not subject me to the same.  Or I will hit you in the head with a rock hammer.  And that's on the Internet, so it must be true.

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