Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Come On, Dustin. COME ON!

Come on, Dustin. Give me a fucking break. Listen, I feel bad that you've wrecked your snowmobile. But you know what, at this point I don't really care. I mean, I don't want you to be lying dead in a ditch somewhere, or all up in traction with a broken pelvis. But I hope you are awfully sore. Because I have had the same phone number since September when I relocated the Worldwide Headquarters. And phone numbers, once they go out of service, cannot be given out to a new subscriber for six months. So if you do the math that means you've had NINE FUCKING MONTHS to tell people that you have a new phone number. Yet you obviously have not. This is not a large town, and everyone that has called me looking for you has been calling from a local exchange. The fact that they haven't found out at least through word of mouth that you have a new phone number means that you really haven't been trying. And I know that maybe I was a little curt with the guy on the phone tonight who was just trying to see if you were okay but it's getting really old. Turns out that I don't like most of your acquaintances, especially when people like your buddy Mike Evanson are calling me a liar. Remember how I told you that it's a small town. Well, I am going to find someone who knows someone who knows you. And I am going to find out your new phone number, and all my friends are going to call it looking for you like your friends call me looking for you. Then we will see how quick you get the word out. I am going to be looking at a billboard that says "Dustin's new phone number is..." by the time Valentine's Day comes around. And then, as an added bonus, your probation officer will be able to find you again.

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