Monday, December 22, 2008

Building to a Photo Finish

     I have a problem, Company.  And I am here to prostrate myself at your feet to ask for your forgiveness.  And hopefully I will get a little bit of a cure for my problem.  
     See, with the Christmas holiday rapidly bearing down upon me I find myself, like most years, woefully unprepared.  As I type this post I have the vast majority of my holiday shopping done, and the fact that I only have three things left to buy and I know what one of them is represents a major accomplishment.  The fact that I have to wrap all of those things, do all my laundry, and give the Worldwide Headquarters a top to bottom cleaning represents a terrifyingly daunting challenge.  And thereby lies the crux of my problem.  I have no doubts that I will get all of the above things done.  I always seem to.  My clothes will be clean (or at least the bachelor equivalent of clean, which is smelling good).  My apartment might not be white glove but it will most certainly be presentable.  And my gifts will be wrapped appropriately.  But why is it that this couldn't have been the case a week ago.  A month?  Why must I always have my back to the wall before I can get my ass in gear?
     This particular trait of my personality drives me crazy.  It makes me have high blood pressure.  And I am pretty sure that it is the reason I am losing my hair. This was supposed to be the year that I was going to be conscious of Christmas as the year went on, picking up presents as I saw things that my loved ones would like, even if it was July or March or September.  It was supposed to be great.  I would be totally prepared for a stress-free holiday season and it would stretch my Christmas shopping expenditures across the whole year.  But it was not to be.  And now here I am facing the most stressful Christmas holiday yet.
     I even took an extra day off of work and I don't even think it is going to be enough.  How awful is that?  I am sure that I will roll down to my mom's house in the usual half-wrapped/half-packed/total disarray state of being, but that I will have everything under the tree where it belongs come December 25.  And I am sure I will be cleaning my apartment as people are knocking on the door, as usual.  Ugh!  I have tried to institute The Great Cleaning like four times in the last two weeks and I have failed on every single attempt.  I just never seem to have the motivation to power through and get it done.  I spent my last good day to get it done lying on the couch watching a mixture of the National Geographic Channel, college basketball, and college football.  Oh, and some Muppets Christmas movie.  I didn't clean a thing other than the wax from my ears, and that doesn't count.
     So here I lie, Company, humbly at your feet asking forgiveness for my sloth and my procrastination.  Can you ever forgive me?  I certainly hope so.  And quickly too.  I need you to come up with some forgiveness before I you go to unwrap your present and it is just the box with a bow stuck to it.  Or before you come into the Worldwide Headquarters and get dirt on your socks.  Because, mark my words, one of these times it's going to happen.  It's not going to come up all roses with another under the wire finish for Big Dave.  And that will be a shocking day indeed.

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