Sunday, November 16, 2008

Ten Rules for Holding a Farting Contest

I know, I know. I just finished my wildly popular "Ten Lists in Ten Days" special feature and you are probably sick of exciting lists. But it was so well received that when this list was dropped into my lap by Dr. J, I thought that I should share it with everyone as an encore to the "Ten Lists in Ten Days." So here it is, this time in descending order: Ten Rules For Holding a Farting Contest.

10.) Man up and claim it even if it's a squeaker.

9.) Never hold the content in the bathtub because people will think that you are trying to simulate a jacuzzi.

8.) Don't push too hard or that vein in your head will pop out.

7.) No politely spraying air freshener between rounds.

6.) Eating venison wrapped in bacon, culiflower or broccoli, or drinking Blatz beer gives contestants an unfair advantage.

5.) Matches and cigarette lighters strictly prohibited.

4.) Test the gag refelexes of all contestants, spectators, and officials prior to beginning the competition.

3.) Always have fresh oxygen and paramedics on standby...just in case.

2.) Moisture and staining put you in foul territory.

1.) Don't mess your pants or you will be disqualified.

2 comments:

Roxy said...

And that goes double for you, Guy H.!

Anonymous said...

you are great and i am in love with you big dave.