Thursday, November 06, 2008

Ten Game Shows On Which You Do Not Want to Be A Contestant

As part of our "Ten Lists in Ten Days" special feature, we here at Big Dave and Company are bringing you ten different helpful and/or informative lists on each of the first ten days of November.

1.) Name That STD. Tila Tequila or Brett Michaels walks by, brushing the contestant, and the contestant must correctly identify which STD was transferred to them in the process. Winner gets free penicillin, loser itches when they pee.

2.) Mormon Island. Contestants are placed in a fenced in Mormon community. The local church elders are notified that there is an unbeliever in their midst. If the contestant can escape death or conversion they win a trip to either Las Vegas or one of those Polynesian islands with very loose morals. If the contestant is converted, well, then they are Mormon.

3.) Tax Form Completion for Dollars. Contestants race to correctly fill out complicated IRS Tax forms. The winner gets $500,000. If you lose you get audited.

4.) Win, Lose, or Crochet. A variation on the popular 80s game show Win, Lose, or Draw in which contestants must get teams of B-list celebrities to guess what keyword they are given using only the art of crochet.

5.) Eye Water Festival. Tabasco sauce is dripped into the eyes of contestants. Whomever's eyes water the least wins. This game show will be wildly popular in Japan.

6.) Electroshock. Electrodes are hooked up to various sensitive parts of the body while contestants play a Jeopardy-style game. Except, instead of a category and a monetary amount each square has a category and a voltage. If you ring in and get the question right, the other two contestants get shocked. If you ring in and get it wrong you get shocked. If no one rings in everyone gets shocked.

7.) Pigs in a Blanket. Contestant is tossed into a large burlap sack with an agitated wild boar.

8.) Copy Machine Adventure. Much like the climactic obstacle course at the end of American Gladiators, contestant must proceed through giant obstacle course designed to mimic the inside of a copier. Whomever completes the course in the fastest amount of time without getting jammed, stapled, or paper clipped in the process wins money and prizes.

9.) Survivor: Sand River. Contestants are dressed in DEA jackets and released to survive in Sand River, where property rights are taken very seriously and government oversight is not welcomed.

10.) Bobbing for Guppies. Contestants come to my office and vie to remove the most baby fish from the office fish tank with their teeth. The winning contestant wins a free stomach pumping and a lifetime of free dental cleanings, and our office fish tank is rid of the baby fish. Winners all around it sounds like to me.

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