Here are some things that children born within the last five years probably won't be aware ever existed:
- Pinball Machines. Sad, I know. Because pinball machines rock the casbah. I mean, now it's all video games and whatnot, but I am talking about the original, awesome, mechanical pinball machines. By the time I came around they were electronic, with digital displays for the scores and a little almost video board where it would give you little messages. But the ball was still real. And all the bumpers were. And they were great because someone actually went to all the trouble to come up with themes and whatnot. Like "Alice in Wonderland" or "Stop and Go." I mean, how fun is that? Sometimes the old tried and true is even better than the latest gadget, and if I didn't have to plug fifty cents in for every play I'd drink beers and play pinball all night long.
- Cassette Tapes. Kind of like 8-tracks were for my generation, cassette tapes will be the types of things that my niece finds in the basement closet and has no idea what to do with. I am sure that she will see the names of some familiar songs on them but she won't have a tape player within 4 miles of her. Someday she will be astonished to learn that he uncle's car has a tape player, or at least it did before he swapped it out for a sweet CD player.
- The VCR. You know, right now this is not so big a deal. But by the time your newborn comes into awareness DVD's will be obsolete and everyone will have Blu-ray or something in their homes and Best Buy won't even stock VCR's anymore. So you will have long converted your VHS copy of Harry and the Hendersons to DVD for cheap. You don't think it will happen but trust me, by the time you pull that ancient dinosaur out of your closet there will be so much dust on the tape heads that it won't work right anyway. And then what do you do? Ask anyone looking for a record player needle how things are going these days.
- Wooden Drivers. No, I am not talking about those people who sit in their cars driving down the freeway looking like they are crash test dummies. I am talking about golf clubs here, Company. For many years drivers were made of woods. Hence the 1 Wood, 3 Wood, 5 Wood, etc. Now they are all made out of titanium or graphite or rocket fuel or whatever. But so very few are ever made of wood anymore. And by the time that your five year old living illegitimately in Portland grows up even the guy at the pro shop won't know where to go to find wooden clubs if you paid him. And you will try, even if just for the sake of it.