Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Ducktoon

     Now, I am used to seeing certain things in my life.  I am used to seeing kids in shitty cars with Fox Racing decals on the windows thinking they are cool.  I am used to seeing girls from the local middle school run away from me.  And, at this time of the year, I am used to seeing duck boats all over the place.  They are usually painted camouflage somehow, and they are usually a small rowboat or a john boat.  But that reality was shattered for me the other day as I wandered from the Courthouse to the Post Office.  Because on that day I came upon The Ducktoon.
     I call it The Ducktoon because it was a pontoon that was converted for duck boat use.  And it was glorious.  Some guy had got his hands on a pontoon boat and turned it into a duck boat.  I am repeating myself.  That is how you can tell how amazed and confused I am.
     The Ducktoon was painted, every inch, with camouflage colors.  Usually just the boat and maybe the oars are painted, and the motor is still Evinrude or Mariner colors.  But not in this case.  The pontoons, the deck, the motor, the trailer, even the steering wheel was painted in that traditional camouflage.  But that wasn't all.  This guy was as innovative as he was avid.  Up on top, where the canopy once had been, he had erected something.  Gone was the canopy that covered old people as they tooled around some placid lake drinking scotch and soda.  In it's place was a sort of unfolding canopy designed to look like reeds.  It was pretty impressive.  It unfurled to either side from the center, that he could have one side closed and one side open to shoot from.  Or it could be closed all the way.  Or open all the way.  It was cool.  It was ingenious.  I don't even duck hunt and I have to admit that I was a little jealous of what he had concocted.
     So yeah, The Ducktoon was in full effect in this guy's back yard.  And I have to say, I can't really even think of a downside to it.  Except one.  Using a pontoon, the Buick Park Avenue of the boat world, limits where one can go.  Because The Ducktoon is long.  And the Ducktoon is wide.  And the Ducktoon has a bit of a deep draft.  So no marshy side bogs, nooks, or crannies for The Ducktoon.  You sort of have to hang out in the open, deeper waters.  But no matter.  Because it's a duck blind that floats.  You can take all your buddies out in the middle where no one else will go.  And you don't need cover because you've brought it with you.
     So congratulations, owner of The Ducktoon.  I am happy for you and your unique duck boat.  I am glad that it is sitting proudly in your back yard for the world to see.  I hope that it allows you to have a successful duck hunting season.  Because The Ducktoon is pretty close to the best thing ever.  And that's on the Internet, so it must be true.

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