Sunday, October 12, 2008

Democracy: Overruled

     First of all, let me say that I wanted to name this post Chinese Democracy because I think that is one of the coolest names for anything, ever.  Unfortunately, that name has been wasted on a Guns n' Roses album that will never be released in my lifetime.  So instead, Democracy: Overruled.  Because sometimes that is how it has to be.  That is why there is martial law.  That is why Abraham Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus.  That is why your boss asks everyone what they want for lunch and they all pick Laotian takeout but then the boss orders pizza anyway.  And that is why I am overruling the results of the latest Big Dave and Company Reader Poll brought to you by Smuckers.  
     I am sorry, Company, but that is just how it has to be.  You know that usually I am happy to post a poll and then blindly follow whatever option that you choose, no matter how retarded it may be.  And in the future, more often than not, I will be happy to do that again.  But in this instance I am not.  First of all, for posterity, let's review the poll.  The question was: What tag line should I use to end every post with?  A pretty good question if you ask me.  Well here are the options that you had to choose from with the number of votes for each in parenthesis:

a.)  "And that's how it is."  (0)

b.)  "Because Big Dave says so."  (1)

c.)  "At least that's what your mom told me last night."  (2)

d.)  "And that's the truth as I made it up."  (1)

e.)  Don't use a tag line, that is retarded.  (2)

So that was the poll.  And I almost went with the results.  In the result of a tie I get to cast the tie breaking vote and I would have just picked the last one and not used a tag line.  I regretted even floating the idea after I posted the poll.  So in a way I am glad you confirmed that using a tag line is lame.
     And they are lame.  Because, in a way, they handcuff a writer.  You have to wind your story around until it ends at a prescribed point, and even if you have a better ending you are screwed.  So that is why I was against it.  But then, on about day four of six in the poll I thought of a great tag line to use that I hadn't put on the poll.  So that is why I am doing what I want regardless of what you voted on.  Because I have a sweet tag line of my own.  And because, honestly, democracy isn't really democracy when it's one person initiating and operating it.  And that's on the Internet, so it has to be true.

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