Friday, September 26, 2008

The Stupidest Idea That I Have Ever Heard

     There are some groups out there in the world who have noble designs but often miss the mark.  Greenpeace is one of them.  I am all for saving the Earth; many people are all for saving the Earth.  But driving your small wooden boat in front of a nuclear aircraft carrier is a.) not a good idea and b.) not going to help anything.  They have a noble end but their means don't work so well.  So you get the idea.  Well, possibly the worst and most laughable offender in this category is People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA).  And recently they came up with one of the dumbest ideas that I have ever heard in my life.
      PETA are dumb.  I mean, I can understand where they are coming from, and it's cool if you want to be active towards stopping animals from having to suffer at the hands of human beings.  But then you say something as stupid as this and I am not sure I want to even hear you out anymore.
      On Thursday PETA asked world-famous ice cream maker Ben & Jerry's to cease using cow's milk in their ice cream and replace it with human breast milk.  This is the dumbest idea that I have ever heard.  PETA claims that it will give cows a break from painful milking and provide customers with a healthier product.  I think that PETA is full of shit.  First of all, if milking is so painful for cows, why wouldn't it be painful for people?  Yeah, let's treat all those cows ethically but who cares about my mom.  Secondly, anyone who is a father whose child has breast fed can tell you that that milk tastes terrible.  Just about every parent has squeezed a drip or two out of that bottle that mom leave for you while she's at her class at the Learning Annex and taken a little taste.  And it's not good.  I mean, it's chocked full of nutrients (a little high in fat from what I hear) but come on.  No amount of sugar and salt and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup bits can make that into a tasty ice cream.
     Plus, let's look at it in sheer logistical terms.  Human females only have two breasts, cows have like six nipples on their udder.  Human females only lactate when they are pregnant or have just given birth, right?  Well that can only happen every nine months.  Cows get pregnant like every six minutes.  Also, La Leche League International, an organization that promotes breast feeding for babies, notes that cow's milk and human milk aren't exactly interchangeable.  "[Breast milk] is a dynamic substance that's different with each woman and each child and might have difficulty being processed into ice cream." 
     Aside from that, it's kind of gross.  Well, not really so much gross, since many of us fed exclusively on breast milk at one time, but not exactly socially acceptable. "It's kind of creepy." noted Jeff Waugh of Dayton, OH.  And it sort of is.  I know I wouldn't eat it.  And I am pretty sure that you wouldn't eat it.  And, according to the article I read neither would Jen Wahlbrink of Phoenix, AZ.  And she brings us back to the main point.  "The (breast) pumps just weren't that much fun."  And who wants to have to feel like a cow?  I mean, they don't seem to mind it all that much, but I think it's different with people.  PETA, that's why this is the stupidest idea that I have ever heard.

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