Thursday, September 25, 2008

"Some People are Missing A Part of Their Soul"

     "Some people are missing a part of their soul."  Yeah. Sue Too said it.  And it's true.  Some people seem to be missing that part of their soul that makes them bearable, that makes them useful, that makes them acceptable to me.  And that is awfully sad.
     Everyone in the world knows someone who has lost that part of their soul.  Or who never had it to begin with.  I am going to explain to you what that person is like, and I guarantuee you that before I even finish describing all the symptoms you will have a picture of the person's face in your head, and you will have a film strip of about 700 instances when they showed their soul-related defciency to you and everyone within a six-county radius.  Trust me.  If we were sitting in a conference room, and I was at the head of the conference table and you all were sitting down along the sides, I would totally be able to see it on your face as I roll out the description.  That's just how it goes.  So shall we get on with it?  
     So what are the symptoms of partial soulessness Dr. Big Dave?  How can we tell if we or a loved one is lacking that crucial part of our being?  Well, I will tell you.  It's pretty easy.  First of all, this person does not deal in reality.  They don't.  Well, not totally.  Kind of like they still have their soul but are missing part of it, they operate not fully in reality but sort of out on the edge of it.  Confused?  Please allow me to give you an example.  The Partial Soul is the person who doesn't realize that it doesn't really matter if their neighbor gets a pot-bellied pig, they are just absolutely opposed because someone else wants something different.  No matter that the neighbor is allergic to dogs and his wife is allergic to cats and so a pot-bellied pig allows them to still have a pet and hurts NOBODY!  Partial Soul is against it because they want it and no one else does.  
     Secondly, the Partial Soul probably looks pissed off at the world.  They don't look like they are having a bad day, or that they are angry about some event that has just occurred.  They have this different look of anger.  It's a little less acute, and it's etched more deeply.  It's not a focused rage like the guy who was just served divorce papers by his cheating wife, it's more like someone who has be practicing a slightly lower level of anger towards everything for years and years and year.  As I sit here in this train station pecking away at my keyboard I can pick out a Partial Soul from the faces that make their way past.  Okay, I made that up, I'm not in a train station.  But that doesn't matter.  If I was I could.  And that's all that matters.  The Partial Soul is easy enough to find though.  Nothing will ever please them.  Their daughter marries a doctor, but he's not a real doctor, he's just an ear, nose, and throat guy.  Congratulations! They've won a nice jackpot at the friendly local casino.  But no, they have to pay taxes.  You see what I am getting at?  Oh man, it was fun at the water park today.  But everyone's fingers are all pruned out.  Nothing is ever good.  Nothing is ever good enough.  That's the part of their soul that they are missing.
     By now you have an image floating in your head..sort of lying right behind your eyeballs.  And it's haunting you.  Because there you see your mother-in-law or your boss or that kid who sits at the end of your lunch table.  Maybe you see yourself.  But probably not.  Because Partial Souls don't realize that they are Partial Souls.  Because nothing is their fault.  I forgot about that part.  Nothing is ever even close to remotely being their fault.  Not even so much their fault as that they don't have any bit of responsibility or culpability.  That's probably closer to the truth.  If their bills didn't get paid because they spent $400 on candy cigarettes in the last month it would be because the guy down at the KwikMart charges too much for them.
     So beware of the Partial Soul.  But do not fear them.  You may, as you go on through your life have to face the Partial Soul head to head.  Do not be afraid.  They may roar and hate you in the end, but so what?  They are missing part of their soul.  And they will never, ever be happy, content, or anything even resembling either one of those.  So don't sweat it.  And don't let them get to you.  You don't need that business in your life.