Thursday, September 04, 2008

So Lonely, So Cold

     Well Company, a scary situation is developing here at Big Dave and Company.  I called today to get the cable TV and Internet services moved to our new Worldwide Headquarters  and I received shocking news.  The good people at Charter cannot come to hook up my services until Thursday.  Yeah, Thursday.  I move in for good Monday.  That means Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I will have no Internet.  That's no big deal, lots of places have free WiFi, so I will just take the Big Dave and Company Apple iBook G4 laptop out into the world and pick up the web there, so there should be no significant interruptions in your service.  Don't worry about that.
     But do worry about me trying to live for four harrowing days without television.  I don't know if you've ever been to my house, but it is very, very rare for me to be home without the TV on.  I am not always watching it, but I love to have the background noise, and I can FEEL it.  Yeah, I know, that sounds strange.  But I can feel it in my internal body parts when the TV is on.  I don't know if its the radiation emanating from the tube, or the electricity buzzing through the air, but I can feel it.  Even if the sound is muted.  It's strange, I know.  But I don't have the time or energy to make this shit up.
     Now, I do have some options.  I can go out and spend all evening long surfing the Internet down at Pizza Hut.  Probably not going to do that though, because I don't like Pizza Hut that much.  I do have my DVD player and my old school VCR.  And I can definitely hook those up without the cable being in there.  That's no big deal.  So I can watch movies.  And I have a bunch of movies.  In fact, I've been itching to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail for like three weeks.  So I will probably do that.  But generally, I am not a movie kind of guy.  I will watch a movie.  I will enjoy it.  I might even buy it.  But I don't generally watch them very often.  So maybe I will catch up on some of those.  But still, I am not a movie kind of guy.
    I could just turn the radio on and listen my beloved Milwaukee Brewers on the radio while I unpack my things and get the Worldwide Headquarters set up.  But that will kill maybe one night if that.  Plus, I have other plans for getting my stuff unpacked.  So what the hell am I going to do?  I won't have made enough of a mess to have to clean already.  I suppose I could just explore the town.  Maybe take my kayak out a time or two.
     A third option is that I can read a book.  And I like to read books.  I have tons of books, and they will all be unpacked.  In fact, I have one that I have been working on and I really want to finish.  And I have another one on deck, waiting for me to start.  So I could just hang out in my comfy chair and go to town.  But it will feel odd I have to admit.  I am not much of a sit down and read kind of guy either.  I tend to do it in the bathroom (I admit) or when I am lying down in bed.  But I suppose that that is a good enough idea.  It will even make me seem almost cultured in front of my new neighbors.  But I am still not sure about it.
    "Now Big Dave, settle down.  Don't get so excited."  I can hear you say.  "Why don't you just go old school, hook up some rabbit ears, and pick up some local broadcast stations?"  Well, that is a fantastic idea Company.  Believe you me that I have already thought of that option.  But there are two problems that I can see with that.  First of all, broadcast network TV sucks balls.  I mean, have you seen it?  Besides, I watch stuff like The History Channel or National Geographic Channel or ESPN.  I don't do Dancing with the Stars.  I don't do Survivor.  I guess I will have to start.  The second problem is that there are only two broadcast TV stations that come in at the new Worldwide Headquarters IF YOU HAVE A GIANT ANTENNA ON TOP OF YOUR HOUSE.  Which I will not.  So I doubt if even the most powerful rabbit ears will help with my cable ready TV.  Besides, using my TV with crappy rabbit ears is like using a sports car with a lawn mover engine.  Okay, well, not really.  My TV is pretty nice, but it's not that nice.  It's more like using a family sedan with a lawn mover engine.  That's better.  But it still sucks.
     So, needless to say I am apprehensive.  I will feel so naked without my television.  I will feel like a fish out of water without my television.  I can already start to feel it now...so lonely.  So cold.

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