Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Past is Not for Me

     Well Company, I had a really great idea for a blog for you spinning around in my head, rattling around and bugging me all day long.  And it really was great.  I remember I could sum it up in a one word title, and that it was going to be rather lengthy, and that it would be pretty hilarious.  But that is all that I remember.  So you get the following instead:

     Okay Company, I have come to a realization.  After watching two movies, one set in the past, Apollo 13, and one made in the past, Anatomy of a Murder, I have decided that having to have lived in the past must have been really, really, really boring.
     Now, before my older reader gets his feathers all ruffled, let's just start out by saying that I am a product of this time.  I grew up with the television.  I grew quickly into computer during my teens.  I am used to seeing a billboard every 138" along every major highway in every state.  I walk around with a telephone in my pocket like it's no big deal.  Oh, and by the way, that phone can get on the internet, keep my phone book at my fingertips, play music, and take pictures.  AND it will keep my date book and calendar too if I ask it to.  The point of all this is that I am a product of this age and therefore have the attention span of a kindergardener who just raided the pack of Pixy Sticks in Ms. Hoover's desk.  So yeah, keep that in mind before you get all upset.
      Apollo 13 wasn't bad.  I mean, they have Corvettes and CBS and all that jazz.  But that's all they had.  Three channels?  Shoot me now.  I am sorry, I know that Helion would call me a spoiled American, and for sure I am, but I am just not sure that I couple cope with that at this point.  Where I live we only get two, and that drove me nuts until the cable guy rode in with his white truck like it was some sort of white stallion and he was here to save my from my ivory tower of two-channel imprisonment.  I just couldn't handle it.  So to have to deal with that would drive me into oncoming traffic.  And in Anatomy of a Murder there wasn't a TV to be seen.  Granted, it was a courtroom drama set in an remote, rural area, but still.  Come on.  They sat around talking about court cases while playing the piano and drinking coffee for fun.  That is no way to live.  I know that extreme stress can cause heart conditions but I think that if I had to be subjected to that as my idea of fun day after say after day I would get a heart condition from sheer, unadulterated boredom.
     Second of all, everyone dressed WAY too fancy while going about their everyday lives back in those times.  I don't know about you, Company, but when I come home from work every day, off comes the pants and button-up shit and on goes the gym shorts and t-shirt.  I don't know if I could sit around on the davenport in my slacks all day long.  Seriously.  I mean, the guy in Anatomy of a Murder makes a late night call on a woman at her home, and she comes downstairs wearing a dress?  That's ridiculous.  And she came down quick too, which means that she had the presence of mind to just throw on a dress, or that she was wearing one while hanging around alone in her room.  And THAT is both strange and slightly unacceptable.
     The thing though that I think really got me thinking this way was the jokes in these movies.  I don't know if I could live in a time where humor WASN'T FUNNY!  There, I said it.  Listen, I know that things are a much racier today, and that society is slipping into some sort of moral sewer or whatever, but I find jokes today to be funny.  The jokes that they were making in this movie were just sad.  I mean, I guess I sort of long, in a quaint way, for a time when the pun was the top of the comedy mountain, and when a twist of words was resque enough that you could only use it in that bar.  When things weren't any more innocent, they just were when there were other people around, but I am sorry I think that that would have been boring as all hell. 
     Now granted, maybe things aren't as different now as they were then.  In Anatomy of a Murder there was a big soliloquy about the word panties and how shocking it would be and how no snickering or gasping would be allowed when that word was used in the courtroom.  And last week Duke found out about a whale tail and what it was and was shocked and amazed.  So at least underwear still makes people get into an uproar.  And we still do enjoy a nice pun now and again.  I suppose then that you could say that all those old jokes and terribly lame puns lie at the bottom of all the raunch that we indulge in today.  Those innocent and forced comedy tidbits make the underpinnings of what Dave Chappelle puts on TV today.  So I shouldn't have any scorn towards that time, which is good because I don't, but I am sorry.  It's just not for me.  So sorry.  But enjoy your lame jokes.

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