Saturday, September 13, 2008

My Love Affair With the CBC

     I miss the Canada Channel.  There, I said it.  Back before the Worldwide Headquarters was moved I had the Canadian Broadcast Company on my cable system.  Now I do not.  And as I was flipping channels today I realized that I miss it.  Every weekday at 5 pm I would watch The Simpsons on the CBC.  I spent almost two weeks alone with the CBC during the 2008 Beijing Olympics, because the CBC coverage was way better and more objective and less corny than the coverage on NBC and it was live.  I used to watch all sorts of movies and quality, family appropriate programming like Little Mosque on the Prairie or The Rick Mercer Report.  Those are two shows that you've never heard of.  Don't worry about it, Company.  That's not on you.  But I watched them.  And they were good.  I would even watch Canadian Football (where every team is called the Rough Riders) and Hockey Night in Canada.  Okay, I didn't watch that all that often but still I could have.  I can't do that stuff anymore.  I don't have the Canada channel.
     They also had really good news.  I mean, not only the local news and Canadian politics, but it was really cool to see world events from a non-American perspective.  It always seemed to me less flashy, but with way more substance, and certainly less biased.  It was never pro-American but then again, it was never anti-American either.  It always floored me that they had a Washington Bureau.  How many foreign bureaus do you think ABC has?  Maybe one in London or Tokyo.  But I doubt they have one in Ottawa.  Or Moscow. Or Canberra.  Or Johannesburg.  Just think about that.  CBC made me think about that stuff.  But now how am I supposed to get that kind of news from my TV?  I mean, I know that I can still have the BBC online, but it's just not the same.  I won't get the same world view.  I don't have the Canada channel.
     I know what you are saying Company.  "Big Dave, you are a f$*&%!g retard.  You are getting all emotional over the Canadian Broadcast Company.  They didn't even have a game show on."  Well that's a lie.  They certainly had come game shows.  I mean, they weren't worth watching but they still existed.  And I know what else you are thinking.  "Yeah you got CBC but it wasn't even a local CBC.  It was CBC Montreal.  It was probably in French half the time.  I mean, isn't that the law up there?  I am pretty sure that I saw that in Canadian Bacon."  First of all, no it was not in French.  Second of all, you're an idiot.  But to be honest, it used to perplex me too.  Why was I getting local news for Montreal?  I mean, that is like eleventy billion miles away.  Shouldn't they be piping in the CBC from Sault Ste Marie?  I mean, that's pretty close, and that would make a lot more sense.  But the more I watched, and the more I thought about it, I was glad that they gave us CBC Montreal.  Because, let's face it, aside from the strip clubs and some amazing scenery, Soo Canada sucks.  It really sucks balls.  But Montreal is cool.  It is easily the most European city that isn't in Europe.  It's cosmopolitan.  It's a little bit cranky.  But it's got a ton of history and art and soul.  I guess that the word for it is cosmopolitan.  Soo, Canada is just grubby.  But now, I don't really are.  It doesn't really matter to me.  I don't have the Canada channel.
I don't have the Canada channel anymore.

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