I am writing this tonight from the home base of one David Nathaniel, who has been kind enough to put up the entire writing staff of Big Dave and Company while we are staying back in our old stomping grounds. So we would like to thank him for that. We would also like to thank him, Mikey, The Pharaoh, Little Jeffy, The Dingo and Duke for helping up get moved into and somewhat settled into our new Worldwide Headquarters, and to Chevy Orange for not only putting us up for a couple of nights but for releasing David Nathaniel for moving duty. Lots has happened in the last two day, so let's run down the partial list, shall we?
First of all, I realized, along with all the poor souls listed above, just how narrow the door on our old Worldwide Headquarters was. We may, I am not saying that we did, but we may have ripped off some of the molding with a couch or two. Don't worry, I'll fix it. I'll fix it. You always assume the worst, Company. But seriously, never have I been involved in a move where so many doors needed to be taken off of their hinges, and I hope that I never am again. I am not sure who designed those doors in the fist place, but they certainly were not hefty or even average size, and I am thinking that all of their furniture must have been that awful, take-apart, crazy Swedish stuff from Ikea, because they obviously never had to move a sofa, or a davenport as my grandma would call it, into or out of the joint. But I digress.
Tragedy struck on the way down when poor Mikey's car decided that it was no longer in its best interest to work properly. It wasn't so much like a person who was bleeding profusely, because that would mean that it was spewing oil every which way, but it was leaking coolant everywhere. So I guess that means that it was more like a person who sweats a lot, which I am not sure is even a medical emergency. I think that it's more of a social problem. Anyway, it's not good for a car to do that so now poor Mikey's car is broke down with an expensive repair bill in a town hundreds of miles from home. Well, maybe only a hundred miles from home, but it's still far enough. Oh, and the best part? All of my clothes were in the backseat when his car began to burn its own antifreeze, so all my clothes smell like burnt antifreeze. And there is nothing hotter than a big fat guy who smells like burnt antifreeze, am I right ladies?
Just a little hint, if you are ever going to choose a new Worldwide Headquarters for a mega multi-national corporation like ours, don't choose the top floor of a three-story building with no elevator. Christ, even an escalator would have been fine. But there was nothing but metal stairs and heartbreak. That's just a hint.
Here's another hint: If you are going to give directions to a total moron, give the same direction to the other moron that he's with. I gave The Pharaoh some directions on how to get to the new Worldwide Headquarters a while back. I said "Go to this town, hang a left, and when you get to the Pamida call me and I'll come pick you up." Well, I realized that there was a good chance that we'd be in a different town eating dinner when The Pharaoh and Little Jeffy rolled through, so I told Little Jeffy a couple of days later "Call me when you get to the state line and I will let you know what's up." Well, the Pharaoh did a really good job of following his directions. Thanks Pharaoh, good job. Little Jeffy, not so much. He neglected to follow the "call me at the state line" part of the plan and instead chose the "call me when you've driven ten miles past where everyone is eating dinner" option. Bold strategy Jeffy, let's see how that works out for you. It actually worked out okay and we had a great time at a great little pizza place that I know, but whose name I am not going to mention because I don't want it to get too busy so I have to wait six hours for my food. Sorry, I am selfish like that.
The moving itself went pretty well until we came to my infamous map cabinet. About four or five months ago one of the unpaid interns here at Big Dave and Company was perusing the Internet and came upon a map cabinet for sale on eBay. Well, I decided that I liked it and wanted it. I did not need it. I wanted it. As soon as I bid on it I said to myself "I really hope that I don't win that auction, I really have no need for that." Two days later I won the auction. I immediately regret that decision. Not that I don't' like my map cabinet, but it takes up a huge footprint and it's more suited to an archive or a library, not the ultra-modern, super-cool Worldwide Headquarters of a near-award winning blog. But I went and got it in Guy H of Sand River, Michigan's truck (Hey Guy!) and filled it with maps. Well, it's heavy. And it's awkward. And it was not fun to move. And there was no room in the new Worldwide Headquarters for it. And in lieu of hefting it up three flights of stairs and stuffing it in a corner I decided to take Dr. B. up on his very generous offer and store it in the garage at his cabin about 15 miles from the new Worldwide Headquarters. But I didn't have a key. No problem said Mom. She and Dr. B had on hidden that I could use. So they told me the location (don't worry, I won't divulge it). Well, they told me two locations actually. They couldn't agree on where it actually was. And then they told me that it was buried about six inches under the ground.
Okay, why do you need to bury a key under the ground? For your cabin on the lake. Miles from town. With the year-round neighbors? Now I understand you want to protect your assets. That's perfectly fair. And I understand that you don't want some local kids to come by and be able to get in. So hide a key in a slick locations. I mean, that's what everyone else would do. But to bury it? BURY IT? What's with that? I mean, that is going a bit too far I think, don't you? Well, after like 45 minutes of digging in both locations, as well as a third, also undisclosed location, we were unable to find it. So the map cabinet came back to the old Worldwide Headquarters with me. What the hell am I supposed to do with it now?
In the end, the big move to the new Worldwide Headquarters went pretty well. Big thanks to all who helped and were a part. We definitely couldn't have done it without you and we owe you all big time. I mean big time. No, really. Like floor seats to the Lakers big time. Well, maybe not that big time. I can't really afford that big time until I get famous. But still, pretty big time.
P.S. If anyone knows the whereabouts of the eighth of my eight couch legs, please let me know. I found the other seven but that guy is still M.I.A. Hopefully we can find him once we start going through boxes and unpacking for real.