Wednesday, August 06, 2008

A Thought to Improve Both Your Lives and Mine

     I am supposed to be doing my dishes right now.  I am not only talking about the time when I am writing this.  I am talking about the time that you are reading it.  It doesn't matter if it's 7:58 PM on August 5, 2008, 9:00 AM on August 6, 2008, 2:24 AM on February 9, 2009, 4:19 PM on November 20, 2011, or high noon on May 1, 2026, I should be doing my dishes.  Or my laundry.  Or cleaning my bathroom.  It doesn't matter what.  The bottom line is that I should be doing something other than what I am doing at the moment.  Even if I am doing the dishes, I should probably be washing the floor or scrubbing the toilet.  But I am not doing any of those things.  I am watching TV and lying on the loveseat.  So none of those things are getting done.  And you know what?  It doesn't matter.
     Nothing is going to happen if I don't wash the bathroom floor.  The sky will not fall down.  The floor will not collapse underfoot.  Los Angeles will not suddenly become habitable.  Leprocy will not suddenly become attractive.  The Cubs will not suddenly win the World Series.  Because in the grand scheme of things it's not a big deal.  
     I know, I can hear all you infection control people, and you personal hygene people freaking out.  "The dishes will attract bugs, and do you even know how many germs are on a bathroom floor?"  I know all this.  I know that if you leave the dishes for a couple of more weeks the food will rot and all sorts of nasty molds and bugs will grow on them.  But leaving them until this afternoon isn't going to cause an epidemic of fleas to break out in your home.  I know that bathroom floors are nasty, but you aren't eating off it, right?  You can do it tomorrow.  Your husband is just going to pee on it tonight again anyway when he gets up for his midnight snack.  If you don't vacuum the floor tonight there will just be a little extra dust on it tomorrow.  The vacuum will still pick it up.  It's not the end of the world.
     You know what you should do instead?  Go outside.  It's a beautiful day, the finest of the year.  Oh, it's raining?  Then do a crossword puzzle.  Read up on the saga of the BVM's.  Go have coffee with your ex-roommate.  Do something for yourself.  Because nobody is going to do it for you.  You only get a limited supply of  gorgeous summer days, and once one is gone it never comes back.  The laundry will always get dirty again.  Honestly, the Rhubarb Tour will only be in town once, and you owe it to yourself to go see it.  I know that your favorite local jazz duet is playing down at the Smuggler's Lounge, why are you dusting the top of your cabinets?  No one looks up there.  And trust me, the dust will wait.  
     The idea is this: all those chores are important.  But so are you.  And opportunity only comes along once in a blue moon.  So if you have the opportunity to stroll the beach for an hour, do so.  If you have the oppotunity to go to the opening of that new art gallery, take it, even if you have to ask Aunt Kathy to watch the kids for a couple of hours.  She offered, and if she didn't want to she shouldn't have done so.  Take that opportunity.  Cruise your boat around the harbor instead of repairing that railing on the back porch.  Bake a cake with your daughter instead of steam cleaning the sofa cushions.  Go golfing instead of mowing the lawn.
     Listen Company, I don't usually like to get all philisopical and preachy with you.  You don't want that.  But you can't let the things you have to do contantly overrule the things you want to do.  Because that's no way to live life.  So go out and play and leave the vacuum, leave the dishes.  Because I really don't want to do my dishes.  And if you don't do your either I can rationalize my laziness.  So blow off your chores.  Then when I do I won't feel like such a piece of crap.


jessica said...

Beautifully said! I had that very battle in my own head last night and The First 48 won and the dishes are not done!

Big Dave said...

Jessica, thank you for you very kind comments. I am VERY excited that you are reading Big Dave and Company even when I am not talking about chili! Thanks again and keep up the good work on!